00:00 - Janae Daniels (Host)

Have you watched the light go out of your middle school child's eyes? Have you noticed your young, sweet, happy child turn into a little anxious ball of depression and you feel uncertain and scared and you don't know exactly what to do? Well, my friends, today I want to talk about helping our children heal from trauma, particularly inflicted on them from the school system. Now, I am not a psychologist, I am not a therapist. I am a mom with six children who used to be a middle school teacher, who has raised four children through middle school and I've got one in middle school right now, and then there's my caboose, who's nine. I'm speaking to you as a parent who has experienced some hard things and been down a tough road. So I'm speaking out of experience. But I'm also speaking as a former educator and I want to share with you the things that I saw and the things that I have learned, and the beautiful things that I've learned to do to help heal my own kids.

01:19

If you are new to this podcast, my name is Janae Daniels. I'm a former middle school teacher. I'm a mother and a wife. I have six children and, unlike longtime homeschoolers, I didn't plan on homeschooling. I pulled my remaining four kids from the school system in 2020. Two of my kids had already graduated from high school and my next two kids were in middle school, and somehow God keeps bringing middle schoolers back in my life. Um, I have worked with middle or high school predominantly middle schoolers in some capacity or another most of my adult life. Um, I didn't anticipate working with middle schoolers as much as I do and have. When I got my teaching certification, my plan was to work with high schoolers, like I wanted to be a high school theater teacher. Unfortunately, I couldn't find any jobs and there were a couple middle school jobs posted. I applied for them, even though it wasn't my preferred age to work with. That's who I, where I ended up and and my I'll never forget when I was hired, my principal. The principal said to me you need to know you have an automatic place in heaven because you're teaching middle school. And I didn't quite understand what she meant, because at the time I was not married, I didn't have any kids, but I had done volunteer work and had worked at church with middle school kids and you know different things. And then I started teaching and what I discovered is that it is.

03:01

It is a tough. It is a brutally tough age for kids and if you're a parent of a middle school child, you know exactly what I mean, right? Uh, ages 11 to 14 are really, really tough. Their bodies are going through all these changes. Hormones are all over the place. The girls are shooting up, you know, getting so tall. But when I are shooting up, you know getting so tall. But when I say shooting up, I'm not talking about substance abuse, I am talking about physically. They are shooting up, towering over boys and they're developing, and then boys are a little bit lagging behind and then, all of a sudden, from seventh, eighth grade, they, you know, grow a foot and a half and get facial hair, you know. And so these ages, like it is, it is hard.

03:48

And then, on top of it, as parents, we start to worry about, okay, college and high school and when grades matter and all of these things. Right, we're dealing with all of these, all of these things. But on, on on top of it, like kids start going from being coddled as elementary school students to having to change classes, and it's scary. And I'll be honest, sixth grade for girls is the worst time. For every girl I have ever met, sixth grade was brutal, even for myself. It was brutal for me. Looking back, I could guarantee, if you're listening and you're a female, you're going 11 to 12. Yeah, that was rough. It was rough. But then, to compound things, our kids are dealing with really, really hard things. They were dealing with really hard things when I was still teaching 20 years ago. They were I I. I had to deal with confronting promiscuity with some of my students at age 13. Today they are dealing with gender identity issues being pushed on them by nefarious people who don't have your children's best interest at heart.

05:16

I have been so careful not to talk about gender politics and all of the politics in schools and things like that, but the reality is it's there. It's real. I see it in my own school district, y'all. I have a listener whose child, who was 14, was bitten by two kids in their class who identified as wolves. I wish I was kidding, I am not. Did they pull their daughter? Yeah, they did, because they had already gone to the school multiple times about issues with these furries and the school didn't do anything.

05:55

Even within my own school district, I see and hear all of the garbage. I see it. I see it firsthand. I hear about it, the gender closets that kids can go and change to avoid their parents. Yeah, they're there. They exist in many schools Maybe not all of them, but in many schools, and there's remarkable and wonderful teachers within the school system, but so many of them are leaving.

06:18

So many of my kids' favorite teachers, the teachers that I loved, are done. They're finished. They're like I am not doing this anymore. I get why teachers are leaving the school system Like I get it, I get it. And there's really nefarious people going into the school system where you're like these people have no, no business working with children.

06:45

And then, on top of it, bullying is happening more and more, and the more that they try to seem to combat it, it's not getting any better. 30% of children in middle school have reported dealing with bullying. Now how many didn't report or don't report? Probably far more. And then, on top of that, I get emails and letters and I've worked with parents whose kids become bogged down by academics to the point that they have stress and anxiety. I have had multiple parents whose children have lost their like started. Their children start losing their hair at age 12 and 13 years old out of stress, and and these parents are left like completely just not knowing what to do. Middle school is often when substance abuse is introduced, when promiscuity is introduced. Now, quick story when I was teaching middle school, I dealt with this. Let me tell you, if you're listening to this podcast right now with your kids listening, put in your AirPods and your headphones for just a second while I tell this story, because your kids probably shouldn't hear this True story.

08:01

I was teaching middle school and my eighth grade class was really tough. It was a really, really tough class. I taught at a very wealthy school and for the most part, the parents were were very helpful and you know they would bend over backwards and just I, just I just had great students, great parents. In general, they were really awesome to work with and I had a great administration and my co-teachers were awesome, like it was just. Overall. It was a good environment for the most part.

08:31

But, but I remember one day I had a girl write a note in during class and there was a rule in my class that they couldn't pass notes and I told the girl to throw the note away and she was like I'll just, I'll just take it with me. I'm like, no, we need to. We need to throw this note away Now. I had already had problems with this group of kids. They were just disrespectful and hard to deal with and even talking with most of their parents, their parents were doing their best to try to support me as much as possible um, but it was just a rough group of kids that I remember this girl. So she she was like I'll throw the note away, and so she threw the note away and then started the rest of the 20 minutes of class, just stared at the trash can and I noticed. So I stared at the trash can and I noticed. So I picked up the trash and put it behind my desk and as soon and I stood right next to my desk the rest of the class period because I was they were rehearsing. I was a theater teacher, so they were rehearsing their their scenes that they were going to be performing in class and I watched her and I watched the trash. And then the bell rang and she got up and she ran and I just leaned down and I picked up the piece of paper that she threw away and I stuck it in my pocket. Now, y'all, this is 20 years ago. This was happening 20 years ago. It's happening still today. This type of thing is. It's happening in schools. If you don't believe it, get your heads out of your rears. It is happening.

10:06

So everyone leaves and she says can I please have my note? And I said absolutely not. I'm going to look at it first and then I'll decide if I want to give it back to you. And so the whole class leaves and she just starts to cry. She said please, please, miss Judd that's my maiden name Please, please, don't read that note, please, don't read the note. And I said I absolutely am going to read the note. So everyone leaves class. I always keep the door open, right? I like. I'm like, let's keep safe. I unwrap the note y'all. I unwrap the note y'all and written in purple marker is my favorite sexual positions, with little drawings of stick people, of her favorite sexual positions.

11:17

She was 13 years old and I I tried to keep my composure, but I started to cry and I said kiddo, you are 13 years old. And she said what are you going to do? I said I'm going to go talk to the principal right now. And she's like please, I don't want my parents knowing, and I'm like that's absolutely who needs to know the most what's going on with you. So I go and talk to the principal and the principal was like thank you for letting me know, I will have to contact her family and her parents. And I said this breaks my heart. And she said, miss Judd, get used to your heartbreaking. This is the tip of the iceberg.

12:00

There was also times that I had to call the school counselor because kids came in that were in 6th, 7th or 8th grade with glassy eyes. Hi, I watched it firsthand and it hasn't gotten better in the schools y'all. It hasn't gotten any better. We talk about socialization. Unhealthy socialization happens within our schools and it doesn't matter how hard the administration or the school districts try, it's not getting getting better.

12:46

It was set up to be destructive from day one in 1852 and then by 1900, we have very nefarious people like john dewey, who, uh, and john D Rockefeller and Andrew Carnegie, who had a desire to dumb down our kids. They had a desire to separate parents from their children because they knew that they could have more control if they separated the children for a longer period of time. I've talked about this in my episode I think it's 92, about the de-schooling process. I'm writing my book right now that's the chapter I'm working on right now that I've been dealing with is just when I don't think it could get any more nefarious. The more I studied, the worse it becomes that they knew that the parents were the first line of defense for children, and so there was that desire to separate the parents from the children, have the children become subject to authority so that they would become subject to the government, would want to rely on the government and their workplace more. What I don't think that they anticipated become subject to the government, would want to rely on the government and their workplace more. What I don't think that they anticipated would happen is that children would, instead of becoming subject to a different authority, they would start to get their emotional nourishment from their peers, which has caused a whole bunch of problems.

14:24

I talk about this. There's an episode where I talk about getting their hearts back. I talk heavily about peer orientation versus parent orientation and attachment psychology In that episode. I will link all of these in the show notes if you want to look them up. So now so there's trauma. These kids in middle school and high school but a lot of middle school are going have experienced a tremendous amount of trauma, and so I want I want to go over some things that you can help your children do to overcome that trauma, to get the help that they really need Now. And I say, like I, my first line of defense isn't like go stick them in therapy Now. And I say like, my first line of defense isn't like go stick them in therapy. And I say that just because, if they're dealing with gender confusion, thank you to being pushed on in some schools. And I realize I'm going to get hate. I'm going to get hate from people for saying that, but the reality is, I see it.

15:21

I went to a school board meeting a couple years back in my own district and there was a librarian who stood up and said parents are not teaching their kids these things. So it is my obligation and my responsibility to teach these political ideas to their children, because their kids aren't learning it at home. What the hell? Pardon my language. And she wasn't the only one. Then I heard teacher after teacher after teacher, stand up. If you don't think it's happening, you get your heads out of your rears. It is happening in our schools, even the conservative ones, even the ones that we deem are good Y'all. I'm in a conservative district and I'm watching it happen.

16:10

Okay, so let's talk about trauma, and I have tried, like I've said, I've tried so hard not to get political, but it is not possible to stand by and let it just ignore it, because it's happening. There are the Supreme Court, there are parents that have taken this all the way to the Supreme Court. It is right now being reviewed by the Supreme Court. I've got to still look it up. There's a family in Colorado, in my state, who dealt with this with the school system. There are people in California and other areas where they're pushing hormones on kids. Anyway, there's a whole mess. It's a mess. It's a mess that's going on and we, as parents, have got to stand up and take our kids back. It is our responsibility. We are the first line of defense, we are the most important, we are the ones who love them the most. We are the ones who gave birth to them or adopted them or took these kids on and are responsible for their well-being. It is our responsibility. So let's talk about what we need to do to help them heal from trauma. What I was going to say was here in Colorado, in the state that I am in now.

17:08

My podcast is international it. I see all the different countries that it covers, predominantly United States, but in my state, y'all, there is a law that that mental health professionals are not allowed to give any sort of care, but gender affirming care for kids experiencing any sort of gender dysphoria. That is also a lawsuit that is currently in our state. Is therapists who are fighting back going? No, I disagree with this. I disagree with this kind of care, but by law they are not allowed to say let's look at some alternatives besides gender affirmation.

17:50

Right, you feel like you're in the wrong body. Well, let's start with how about? God doesn't make mistakes. He didn't put you in the wrong body, but there's, but you're, you're just confused. And our bodies are uncomfortable. When we're in middle school, they just are all of us, and sometimes I'm going through like about to go through menopause. My body's uncomfortable. Now too, you know there's times in our lives that our bodies are uncomfortable.

18:11

Okay, let's talk about getting. Let's talk about what we can do to help them heal. Yes, professionals are, there's that option. But again, sometimes professionals not all healthcare professionals are created equal. I've had some really great therapists in my life and I've had some terrible ones, right, they're not all created equal, just like teachers are not all created equal. There is that option. I'm not going to say don't have your child go see a mental health professional, because that might be something that you need to do Like, right, that's always an option there.

18:46

But let's talk about things that you you as a mom, you as a grandma, you as a dad can do to help your children. The first thing is you take them out of school. I said it, although, if you if you didn't catch the name of this podcast, it's School to Homeschool, right. I believe that most parents are more than capable of teaching their own kids and their kids would probably be better off. Now, I understand not everybody has that option. I get that. I understand that there's situations where you'd love to homeschool your kids, but you are a single working mom and it's not an option for you. I get that. I see you, I hear you. My heart breaks for you and I believe that God is taking care of your children. He's going to keep them in the palm of his hands.

19:36

But for those of us that can do something, that are capable that we, financially, can do it, sometimes that might mean that we make sacrifices where we live off one income even though it's tight, that we have to say no to vacations, that we have to say no to some things, that we might move into a smaller house right. That if it's at all possible that we move mountains to homeschool, that we do. So what do you do? As you've pulled your kids now and you're scared and you don't know what to do, how do you help them heal? Well, let's get into it, because there's good news. I've watched kids heal. I've watched my own kids heal. I've watched my sister's kids heal. I've watched kids heal and lots of other families. I've watched the light go back into those beautiful baby's eyes. I've watched their love for learning skyrocket. I've watched them get their hair back, in some cases right. So let's talk about it.

20:34

The first thing, the first thing that we have to do, is you have to work on the relationship Before you start. You pull them right. You pull them from school and I know you have to follow the state laws right. Yes, you're going to do the bare minimum as far as academics go, but that's not going to be your first priority. Your first priority is going to be nurturing the relationship with you Now. I did a whole workshop on this. It's on YouTube. I will link it in the show notes below. You're going to nurture that relationship. You're going to get their hearts back. I also did a podcast episode on how we lost their hearts and how we need to get them back. And in the workshop I go into more detail about how do you nurture that relationship. Well, there's going to be a few. I'll just give you some examples that I give in the workshop.

21:23

You're going to collect them. What does that mean? To collect them? Well, whenever you're separated from them, you're going to be excited to see them again. So, whether that they're just waking up for the, you know, for the morning you're going to see and be like hi, good morning, I'm so glad to see you. I love you. Let me hug you. You just finished watching a show. Oh, we've been separated for a little bit. I love you. Do you know what a great kid you are? Do you know how grateful I am to be your mom?

21:50

And you're going to do that for the kids, that even when it's hard because they've become a pain in the butt, you're going to do it for them because, as a parent, they need to know that you want them, that you cherish them, that you love. You're going to spend time with them doing fun things and not nagging them. There will be that desire to nag them, set aside academics and love on them, read with them, snuggle with them, play board games with them. I don't know a middle schooler who doesn't love board games. In some cases you may play video games, sit next to them and play Super Smash, brothers, brawl and you laugh with them and you snuggle and watch movies with them. You take time with them. So your first priority is nurturing that relationship, taking time one-on-one, going on dates with them, helping them cook, but being that, that nurturing parent that we are meant to be Now. Will some of them resist? Yeah, they will, because if they are peer oriented, if they're, if they've been getting their emotional nourishment from friends, it's it's going to take time. It's going to take time to get their hearts back. Okay. So the first thing you have to do is you have to focus on the relationship first. That's number one. Number two you're going to need them. Allow them time to rest, to physically rest, to sleep.

23:30

I did a whole episode on sleep and the statistics of what we are experiencing in the US. Our kids are grossly sleep deprived. They wake up too early to go to school. They stay up too late. They're not given sufficient time to get the necessary sleep. They're not given sufficient time to get the necessary sleep. Middle school years are intensely important as far as sleep goes, because as the body goes through puberty, the natural circadian rhythm of children changes and they have this desire to stay up later and then this desire to sleep longer, and they need more sleep than they've needed before. We always think that, like little, children need the most sleep. What I found is teenagers equally need, you know, especially that preteen, and as they're moving up into teenage years, their bodies are going through growth and it takes. The bulk of growth happens during sleep and they need that sleep. It's not because they're lazy that they want to sleep more, it's because their bodies physically need more sleep. And so, as a parent, let them rest, let them sleep in a little bit. If they were waking up at 6.30 am, let them sleep until 7.30 or 8, right, let them get the rest that they need and then slowly help them to go to bed a little bit earlier until you get their circadian rhythm at a normal rate. Okay, so help them and allow them to get the rest and the sleep that they need, because they are deeply sleep deprived. Okay, so that's the second thing you need to do.

25:07

Number three y'all this is going to make some of you coming out of the school system want to vomit. I know I felt this way to slow down the academics. Focus on reading, writing and math. Now I'm going to talk about math here in just a second, but let's start with reading and writing. You need to be reading with them. You heard me Get a good book, snuggle up and read with them.

25:31

At the beginning they're going to resist. You'll be lucky to get three minutes in of reading together, but you're going to read aloud. You're going to read to them just like you did when they were little. But instead of just picture books, you can read chapter books. Find a good juicy chapter book and read with them. A fun one for 13, 14 olds is uh, where the, where the red friend grows, like if you've got boys, oh, that's a great one. Great one for girls is a princess academy by shannon hale, or uh, the goose girl also being shannon hale. Those are two my favorites and evergreen gables, um, so read to them if you want. If you want to, just a good one. Even middle schoolers like it. Charlotte's web is beautiful, boxcar children like these are easy, easy reads, um, but the they're so enchanting for kids and middle schoolers.

26:30

One of the things that I love about the middle school age is, even though their bodies are getting bigger like I had a middle schooler, like a 13-year-old student who, full on, had a goatee, right, their bodies are big but they're emotionally they're still kids, right, they're still very much children. They still very much delight in wonder and excitement and joy of little things. I know more than one middle school boy who still sleeps with stuffed animals. Okay, I talked to moms and they're like, they still love their stuffed animals. Is that okay? A hundred percent. They might sleep with those stuffed animals until they're teenagers and they just don't want people to know Right, until they're teenagers and they just don't want people to know right. Um, they are still very much children and emotionally, their prefrontal cortexes are not going to be developed by the until the age of 24, 25. They're still very, very much children, even though their bodies look bigger, emotionally they're not there yet, and and so we want to help them maintain that sweetness and that innocence and that they still want and they still yearn for snuggles. Often Some of them might have pushed you away because it's not cool at school. But as you're taking their hearts back, snuggle with them. They still need that physical touch. They still need those hugs from their mom. They still need to know that they're okay, even though their bodies are big and stinky and they smell bad and you have to remind them to shower. They're still not 100% autonomous as far as like schoolwork goes.

28:06

But back to reading. So we're going to read with them, you're going to read to them. You're going to. You're going to read to them. You're going to snuggle up with a good book. Again, at the beginning you'll be lucky to get like three or four minutes. Also, roll doll books those are really fun to start with. But find books that are interesting to you and to them. If it's not interesting to you, oftentimes it's not going to be interesting to them either. But so find some good books. You're going to be interesting to them either. But so find some good books. You're going to snuggle up and it's going to. Again, you might only have five minutes till they start squawking. That's okay, you're going to slowly read more and more and more.

28:40

I remember when we, when I first pulled my kids in 2020, my 13 and 12 year old we were lucky to get through five minutes of book. I was amazed. Within a few months, they, um, they were like just one more chapter, just one more chapter, just one more chapter. When, at the beginning, they were like can we be done? Are we done? Can we be done? Is this done? Are we finished? So, um, as it's very, very healing for kids to snuggle with you and have you read to them. There's something very nurturing about that. It's very healing to the soul. As you're having them do so, you read aloud with them a little bit each day, and then also, as you're having them read themselves, if they struggle with reading, go to a drop the level of books.

29:36

I, what I found is like with when I look up, like, what age is this book appropriate for? I feel like, in my opinion, like Scholastic and some of the other sites that say, oh, this book is for ages, you know, nine to 13. Oftentimes, unless the child was a really, really, really really proficient reader, most of the time, the books are too old. It's too old for them to read by themselves. I was surprised when my daughter, katie, was in sixth grade. They were having the kids read the Hunger Games in English, which at the time I'm like, oh you know, the teachers know best. Right Now I'm like why would? Why on earth would you have sixth graders read the Hunger Games? Anyway, for most of those kids it was way above their reading. Number one is above their reading level.

30:25

If you didn't know, if you haven't listened to the podcast on why the kids can't read and all that I've talked about with reading, um, statistically speaking, 19 of high school graduates this is not people who drop out, this is graduates are graduating not being able to read at a fourth grade level. I mean it's bad. And then the literacy rate in, uh, the united states is like 50 of adults can't read at a fourth grade level, which is why they say to can't read at a fourth grade level, which is why they say to marketers like, right, at a fourth or fifth grade level. It's because half of the United States can't, can't read at a fourth or you know, the most that they can read is a fourth or fifth grade level. So what I found is most, most kids are coming out of the school system, being pulled for homeschooling and their reading comprehension is not as high as parents think it should be. I don't blame the teachers. Like. The teachers have been put in a precarious situation, with many of them being told that they shouldn't teach phonics, many school districts adopting whole language over a strong phonetical background. So if you have a struggling reader, and so if you have a struggling reader, drop down in books.

31:37

So I learned this the hard way when I pulled my kids. My middle school kids were actually decently proficient readers, but my third grade son, I, had always been told by all the teachers like we read for 20 minutes each day together. And all the teachers like, ah, he's our best reader in the class. And so I started him at a castle reading. A castle in the attic which says, you know, it's for ages eight to 12. Except for he wouldn't. He wouldn't read it. He just cried and like why are you crying? He's like I don't understand it.

32:07

Well, I realized very quickly it was way above his reading level, even though his teachers had said, yes, he's absolutely. You know he's reading at a, you know, a 14 year old level. He wasn't. His comprehension wasn't there. His ability to sound the words out and to read a sentence was there, but the ability to decode was not there. So I dropped him down to a much lower level to frog and toad books and little bear books and very like, very early chapter books, really really early chapter books, and he started reading those, loved them. It was right, right at his reading level and then he quickly progressed. Now he reads, you know, at a much higher level. And so if you're there but I've worked with a lot of families where their children are not particularly the boys, are not at the reading level that they could be and so if you find that your son or daughter is really struggling to read, then drop them down a few grade level books, okay, and help them gain the confidence back in their reading ability and read more with them. Sit down instead of just saying, hey, go off on your own and start reading. Sit with them and read for a few months together, because their confidence, their ability to decode, may not be there and that's why the comprehension isn't there.

33:30

A lot of times I found that when people pull their kids because of academic reasons not necessarily bullying reasons or things like that, but academic reasons. There's been holes somewhere in the education, whether it's phonetically or with math. It's you know basics and arithmetic, and so these kids are being pushed forward. Thank you, no child left behind. That happened when I was teaching, oh, heaven forbid. Anyway. Um, they were pushed ahead without some of the foundational skills being solidified, and so they've got holes in their education and they can't move forward because those foundational pieces aren't there, and so, and then, on top of this, they feel more dumb and dumber every class because they don't understand, because they're missing those foundational pieces, when in actuality it has nothing to do with them. It's that they're not dumb, they're super smart kids. They just don't have those foundational pieces. So we as parents can go back and see like, oh, where are those holes, where are those gaps? Oh, they're struggling decoding words. Well, we need to work more on reading fluency with them at lower level books so that they can start to gain confidence, so that they can move up to where where they need to be okay. So drop down if you find that reading is a struggle for them. Drop down.

35:00

Um, writing have them write something every day. Have them do some copy work. Um, have them. And I've taught. I did a whole episode on copy work last week so you can watch that. It's literally when you have them copy a few sentences out of a book. If you have them do much writing when they're in middle school, they're just getting their writing legs like they're still babies. Don't expect that they'll be able to write a paper all at once and at the beginning you know you might have them write a sentence. If you have them do narration, where they tell back a story that you've read, have them do it verbally and then maybe write a sentence to help their writing skills. But we're going to be doing as we're helping them heal, we're going to be doing the bare minimum. Our goal again is number one to nurture the relationship and make sure that's there. That's number one. But then number two, we're going to help them build confidence in their ability to learn.

36:01

Children are innately born with wonder and excitement to learn, and that is beaten out of them through the school system. It was done intentionally, by the way. If you didn't know it, it was done intentionally, okay, um, now let's talk about so. We've talked about reading, talked about writing, um, by the way, um, when you first start homeschooling, there is there's a balance, because if you try doing everything yourself and being the teacher for everything, you're going to get burned out really fast. But but at the same time, kids struggle with autonomy because in school we are taught to always rely on authority. What does the teacher want, what does the teacher expect? So autonomy is a difficult thing for kids because autonomy is taken away from them and so you can't have them do too many things by themselves at the beginning because they get frustrated because they're so used to being told what to do that they become paralyzed. And I've seen this again and again and again and I always tell the parents that I work with like, um, you've got you, you've got to hold your their hand for a while and know that that's, that's normal. It's typical, uh, when they're coming out of the school system that they need extra help because they are used to being told what to do. Um, funny example when I was teaching six, sixth and eighth, I taught all three grades what to do. Funny example when I was teaching sixth up to the eighth, I taught all three grades my sixth graders.

37:37

Like I remember my first day with sixth graders. Again, I was I'm K through 12 licensed, but really secondary ed is my specialty, and the sixth graders. I remember this. The first day of class I was like, all right, get out your notebooks, write your name and the date on the paper. And all of them raised their hand. I'm like, yes. And they're like do you want our first and last name, or first name, last initial or first, initial, last name? What do you want? And all the hands went down. I'm like first and last name. Then all the hands went up. Do you want it on the top line or you do? Do you want it on the second line and do you want it on the right side of the paper, the left side of the paper? And I'm like, uh, left side of the paper. And they're like, okay, then all the hands went up, do you? How do you want us to write the date?

38:25

Like they are, children are taught on purpose thank you, john d ro Rockefeller to always be subject to authority, right, and so autonomy is really hard for them, and I learned that the hard way with sixth graders. I'm like, okay, I'm going to have to prescribe everything to them, so they are going to need some amount of handholding from you. But again, what are we going to focus on Reading, writing, math. That's what we're going to focus on. Amount of handholding from you. But again, what are we going to focus on? Reading, writing, math. That's what we're going to focus on at the beginning, and, and not even a lot. Okay, this is part of the de-schooling process for kids. It's also part of one of the main reasons we do de-school is to help our kids heal from the school system.

39:08

Okay, so, a little bit of writing each day, like a sentence, we'll call it. Good. They copy a paragraph out of a book. Great, they might cry for an hour doing it. Even though it takes them five minutes, it's okay. So read with them. Have them read a little bit write. Let's talk about math.

39:29

Okay, I have yet to work with a family where math has not been a problem and a major concern for every parent. For some reason, we have it in our brains that if they don't um get through calculus, they'll never get into college, which is not true. Uh, my daughter, katie, has been through algebra. She never took geometry. She hasn't taken the others. When she took her placement tests for the state college, they said oh yeah, she's, she's good through um. She'll just need to take, you know, one of these math classes a business math class or whatever to fulfill her her general education requirements for graduation. And she's never taken geometry. Um, if she needed to take it, uh, she could and she could zip through it.

40:20

I had a friend I've mentioned this before whose son never did any math. They did like basic arithmetic and his senior year, uh, of homeschooling, she realized, and they had homeschooled from day one we had not, but they had homeschooled from day one. His senior year he decided he wanted to go to this one university and the university required that he have certain math classes y'all in three months. He was super motivated, got through all of the math classes required. He went from knowing basic geometry I mean basic arithmetic to going through geometry, algebra one and algebra two, in three months, like he zipped through them. So what he did all day, he's like, okay, I'm just gonna focus all day, every day, just knock out these math, these math classes. He did got in, you know, everything was fine. Um, it really does not take a full year to get through all the math classes. You know, we we can pace it as much as we need to, and math for a lot of kids um, struggle because they come to believe that they're stupid because somehow, somewhere they they miss certain math principles, and then they can't have a hard time getting caught up.

41:31

So I want to read something to you. I'm going I've mentioned this before, I'm going to be delving more into this in the future, but there's this book. This is called the Deliberate Dumbing Down of America. It's by Charlotte Thompson Iserbitt. She was a senior policymaker for the Department of Education during the Reagan administration and then she wrote this book it was published in the late 90s, early 2000s where she goes over the history of the education system and really she doesn't give a lot of commentary. She more says like this is the reference and this is what was said, and she goes year, decade by decade, and it would make you vomit as I've been reading through this book.

42:16

I've spent five years reading hundreds and hundreds of hours worth of everything from American Education by Lawrence Kremlin, three volumes. They're each this thick. You can see if you're watching on YouTube, that one that I'm pointing to yeah, that's volume, let's see I'm pointing to. Yeah, that's volume, let's see what volume is that. That's volume two. Um, and they're this thick and little tiny writing, and so I've spent a lot of time studying the history of the system.

42:41

Had I known this when I became a teacher, I probably wouldn't become a teacher anyway. Uh, because it's it's pretty bad. It makes sense. It makes sense to me as a teacher. But also if you, if you're interested, if you've not read the Dumbing Us Down by John Taylor Gatto or the Weapons of Mass Instruction, also by John Taylor Gatto, who was a 30-year veteran teacher in New York City, those are very eye-opening books. If you're a dad and you're like I don't know if we should homeschool, I guarantee you'll read those books and you will change your mind immediately. Every person who's ever read those books has said we should probably homeschool. Okay, this is what was said in 1928. It's kind of long, but I want to read it to you to understand why frustration is there with most kids for math. Okay, let me put on my glasses here. Um, let me put on my glasses here. 1928, mr o a. Okay, I'll start back here.

43:39

A deliberate math dumbed down was seriously discussed in 1928. A teacher named oa nelson, john dewey, edward thorndyke, who conducted early behavioral psychology experience with chickens and other council on foreign relation members attended a progressive education association meeting in 1928 at which oa nelson was informed the purpose of new math was to dumb down students. He revealed in a later interview with young parents alert that the progressive education association was a communist front. And this is from national educator. July 1979 is when this was presented, he says mr oa nelson, retired educator, supplied the vitally important documentation needed to support the link up between the textbooks and the council on foreign relations. This letter was first printed in lake elmo, minnesota, and here is his story. He says I know from personal experience what I'm talking about.

44:33

In December 1928 I was asked to talk to the American Association for the Advancement of Science. I had done some special work in the teaching functional physics in high school. That was to be my topic. The next day, the 28th, dr Ziegler asked if I would attend a special educational meeting in his room after the AAAS meeting. We met from 10 o'clock pm until after 2.30 am. We were 13 at the meeting.

45:02

Two things caused Dr Ziegler, who was chairman of the Educational Committee of the Council on Foreign Relations, to ask me to attend my talk on the teaching of functional physics in high school and the fact that I was a member of a group known as the Progressive Educators of America, which was nothing but a communist front. I thought the word progressive meant progress for better schools. Eleven of those attending the meeting were leaders in education Drs John Dewey and Edward Thorndyke. By the way, john Dewey is the father of progressive education, which is what we have now. Edward Thorndike from Columbia University were there, and the others were of equal rank. I checked later and found that all were paid members of the Communist Party of Russia. I was classified as a member of the party, but I did not know it at the time. Okay, now here's where it gets really juicy. The sole work of the group was to destroy our schools.

45:59

We spent one hour and 45 minutes discussing the so-called modern math. At one point I objected because there was too much memory work and math is reasoning, not memory. Dr Ziegler turned to me and said Nelson, wake up. That is what we want A math that pupils cannot apply to life situations when they get out of school. Okay, let me reread that sentence for you Nelson, wake up. That is what we want A math that the pupils cannot apply to life situations when they get out of school. He goes on course by. Dr Brechner was substituted, but it was worth. Also worthless as far as understanding math was concerned.

46:58

The radical change was introduced in 1952. Did you hear that? 1952. This dumbed down math was introduced in the United States and adopted. He goes on. It was the one we are using now. So if your pupils come out of high school now not knowing math, don't blame them. The results are supposed to be worthless. Okay, again, he gave this. Said this in in 1979. The radical changes were implemented in 1952. We've been doing the same math since then. It hasn't changed, other than getting and adopting dumber laws like uh, no child left behind. Um, so it's.

47:46

It's fascinating because I have a series of books from the mid-1800s, including a basic arithmetic book, a basic algebra book, higher level algebra books, and it blows me away and I will be doing I'm working on it, I'll be doing a YouTube series implementing those books with my own kids, because that's what they were using prior to adopting this awful system that we have now. So when your kids are frustrated and I remember saying this to my algebra teacher in high school I was like why do I need to know this? I will never use this. He's like because it's important for higher level thinking bullcrap. We can learn inductive and deductive reasoning through things like 20 questions and certain board games. There are other ways and, as I just read, it was done on purpose for us to become stupid, legitimately. Um. So let's talk about helping your children heal, because I guarantee, if I were to sit down with you and you cry to me as a parent and you're like my child cries over math all the time, um, I would not be surprised, like I would not be shocked.

49:07

Now, are there those that love math? Yes, I have a 13 year old who loves math. Right, he is done with job, almost done with geometry is like a couple sections left. He asked me if he could keep going. He can do algebra, he can do geometry, he's got a little math brain. He loves math. It's great, it's awesome, uh. And then I have other kids who you ask them to do an algebraic expression and they would poke my eyes out, right, they're like please don't make me do math. It was never meant for kids to leave understanding math, right, so these, we cannot blame these kids that they're frustrated.

49:46

Now I'm going to say some radical things right now. I know, I know they're going to be radical. If you've pulled your kids or about to pull your kids and they've been failing math and they've been failing pre-algebra. Do not double down and have them do more pre-algebra right now, do not. I know Some of you are going to have a heart attack that I said that out loud, but when I work with families and coach and mentor families through private coaching, which is available, by the way, if you're looking for a private coach, you can check my website. We could do a discovery call and see if I could help you.

50:31

This is what I tell parents is your child's struggling in math? You're going to take a break from math. Do not the desire is to double down on it and be like let's get them help in math. You're going to take a break and let your children's brain rest because they've already been beaten down by themselves, because they struggle. So you're going to let them rest from it for a time. And if you're worried about your state standards as far as homeschooling goes or there's expectations, then have them do simpler math. Maybe you have them work on times tables, worksheets. You know I love on the school to homeschool Facebook page.

51:21

Kathy Elizabeth gave that recommendation to a mom who's like what do I do? And she was like just have them do multiplication worksheets, just, and then check that box and call it good, just a worksheet a day, right? Or have them work on cooking and then explain how the fractions work as you use measuring cups. But they need rest and and we are trying to help them gain confidence and a love for learning again them gain confidence and a love for learning again because it's been beaten out of them. Because it's been beaten out of them, so slow down the math Again.

52:02

Your instinct is going to want to be to double down on math, but don't Slow it down. Slow it down Most likely if they're struggling in pre-algebra or they're struggling in algebra or they're struggling in geometry. If they're struggling and have been at school, it could be, and most likely is, because they are missing foundational principles like how do you do division, how do you do single digit and double digit multiplication? How do you do basic arithmetic? That's usually the problem, and so pushing them forward is not going to help them. You have to help them fill in the gaps, but give them some time to rest, because our goal is to help them gain confidence again, to help them heal, because you know what's been happening in their brains this whole time they've been trying to do math and then they getting failing grades. No matter how hard they try, no matter how many times they've met with the teacher, no matter how many times they've gone in with every time they fail, it's just another beating on their heart of I am not good enough, I am stupid, I am dumb. When you, as a mom, know that they are not. They were born brilliant, are not? They were born brilliant. We are trying to help them heal and gain confidence in their abilities again and know that they are not dumb.

53:38

So piling on more math will cause more trauma, not less. So take a break, slow it down. Go back to the very, very, very, very, very, very basics. If, if you, if you must. At the beginning I would even say wait and then introduce it. But some kids are like, no, I have to do math, I have to do it. So then have them do basic, basic, basic arithmetic adding, subtracting, multiplication, multiplication and divisions and divisions, like it's plural division, okay, and then work on percents and decimals. Okay, slow it down. They have to gain their confidence back. They will. They will gain their confidence back, but they will. They will gain their confidence back, but you've got to go back. You've got to go backwards and build a solid foundation for your kids. And then, if you decide to go on further to pre-algebra or algebra or geometry, fine, whatever.

54:46

But if you find that they're struggling and you're like, oh, it must be the curriculum, what I this is what I often see happen is a parent will buy a curriculum for math and be like, oh, this is not working. They're crying every day. Still, okay, I'm going to try a different curriculum. So they try a different curriculum. And the child is still crying every day. And so then they try a different curriculum and by this time they've spent, you know, a thousand dollars on curricums. It's because, again, like, if you don't have the foundation built, the house is always going to fall. It's going to keep falling over until you go back and fix the cracks in the foundation. So that's what you're going to do Slow it down, help them regain their confidence in reading, help them regain their confidence in math Okay, okay. Next thing you're going to do um, this is also going to be um, controversial.

55:31

If you've not read the book the anxious generation, you need to read that book again. The anxious generation if your child has a smartphone, get rid of it. They do not need it. It is not good for them to be on social media from the ages of 11 to 14 years old. Actually, the recommendation is they shouldn't have a smartphone or be on social media to minimum 16 years old. My daughter, who is 17 and a half, finally just got a Facebook account. Why? Because that's the only way she can communicate with her brother, who is a missionary right now, and that's the only reason she has it. It is not good for their brains. It is not good for their brains. It is not good for them, their emotional health.

56:12

Get rid of their smartphones, if you're like, but I need to be able to communicate with them when they're out of practice or something. Get them a dumb phone. Gab Wireless is there. I, you know, use them. That's who we use for our dumb phones and literally all they can do is text and call, like with the plan that we have for the kids, and the kids can't program getting online with those phones. So you need to limit their screen time also.

56:39

Okay, part of the de-schooling process. I tell you this limit their screen time. Because why do we want to limit their screen time? Because we want them to get bored. Okay, we want our kids to get bored. Boredom has been robbed of our children, which has taken away their childhood. Okay, so we're going to get rid of their smartphones. We're going to grossly limit their screen time. We're not going to let them sit on YouTube all day and watch YouTube shorts. We're not going to let them endlessly scroll. Our goal is to help them get bored. Why do we want them to get bored?

57:20

I did an episode on this. Boredom breeds brilliance. Let them get bored Y'all, most of your kids and I've said in lots of episodes, help them find their passions. The reality is it takes a long time, many, many months for kids to start to gain a desire for passions again and for interests. And then, when they do start to find passions and interests again, they switch from one passion and interest to another and they may not go deep on some of these passions and interests, and that's perfectly okay. But back to boredom. So some of the most brilliant ideas come about because kids are bored, because people get bored, and so they have to come up with something to do, and when they do, then they start getting curious.

58:12

I wonder if I can make a dirt ball One day I was, I was on YouTube and I saw somebody make a dirt ball. I wonder if I could make a dirt ball. I wish I was kidding about this, by the way. This, by the way um, I have my now 13 year old uh spent two full days making a ball of dirt that he could polish. That would be like hard as a rock, but like smooth and shiny. Did he do it? Yes, why did he do it? Because he got really, really bored and then said in his little brain I wonder if I could make a dirt ball and I let him. I let him make a dirt ball. They are so okay.

58:56

I was teaching a class. Like I've said, throughout, throughout most of my adult life, I have worked with, in some capacity or another, middle school and high school students predominantly middle school students, and I'm still like I'm working. I work with high school students on Fridays and I work with younger kids throughout the year, because when I direct shows and then at church, I've been asked to work with the 12 and 13 year olds again, of which this is my third time. So I'm perpetually ending up back in middle school. I think God is trying to tell me something, but I was teaching a class and it was a bunch of eight to 11 year olds in the class and I was teaching this class three times and there was a rotation and it was for this camp that was being done for the summer and they asked me to teach on friendship and exploring the things that we love with our friends. So I teach the class.

59:54

I did a read aloud with the kids with a storybook and then I had the kids sit in a circle and each group had about 30 kids in it and I asked the kids like what is a subject that you love, what's something that you love love, love to do or love to learn about? Simple question, right, easy, easy peasy question. All of these kids were public school kids, mind you, and we start with the first child and the first child says sits there. And I let them think. I said I'm going to give you three minutes to think about it and then and then I'll start to go around and have each person share.

01:00:34

And the first child said I like recess the best and I said okay, what subject do you love besides playing in recess? Like, what things do you like to do? He's like um, language arts. I'm like okay, next child. And the next child was like I like lunch. And I'm like oh, no, now what subject besides lunch and recess? Uh, what things outside of school do you like to do? And he's like um, I play soccer. And so this went on for about five or six minutes till I finally like no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

01:01:26

Kids, when you look on YouTube and you have free time, what do you like to look up? What do you like? What do you think is fun? And these kids sat there and they're like oh, so then the kids are like video games. I like video games, lots of, lots of video games. I got lots of kids who liked video games, and one kid is like oh, I really really, really really love playing soccer, or I really really really love karate. They like the things that their parents put them in.

01:01:54

What I learned really fast. Now, I tried this and I wanted to see if it was the same with the other groups. Sure enough, same thing. Because I was like no, no, no, I'm not talking about subjects at school. What, what things are you really passionate and excited about? And they were mostly excited about either a show, um, I like ladybug and cat noir, you know I I love the, you know miraculous, I love whatever. Um, k-pop, demon hunters actually that wasn't out yet, but you know that type of thing um, and what I realized really quickly is okay.

01:02:27

So these kids stopped having being passionate about learning things very early on, because when does school start? Kindergarten, um, and when you look at how the school system is set up, the only classes that are esteemed as of worth are math and reading, and occasionally science, but otherwise. And writing, right, but otherwise. If a child like likes art, they may or may not have an art class in their school and if they do, they only get to do it every third day. They may or may not have a PE class. Well, they will for sure have a PE class, because all schools are required to have PE. Um, but so they might like PE, that might be their favorite, but they only get it every fourth day. So that's not worthy. Art is not worthy. They might really like music, but art I mean music is an elective. They might really love theater, but theater is an elective. They might really love theater, but theater is an elective. So those things are not worthy Like they're, they're taught.

01:03:32

We are taught at a young age that these things are not worthy because they're not core subjects. So what happens to these kids? Well, it's beaten out of them. And then, as parents, we add to it by putting them in organized sports, because that's what you do, and some kids love them and some kids dread it, but they do it because they have to.

01:03:55

I was one of those kids. Actually, I wasn't. My sisters were. My mom put me in one soccer class and found out that no other girls were in it, and so she took me out. So my sisters were forced to play kickball I wasn't which was actually a thing in austin, texas I don't know if it still is, but it was. Um but but these kids come to believe that their interests are not worthy to have, uh, because they're not core subjects. Uh, we see this. I, I saw this as a teacher, an elective teacher. There was always that concern. Well, they may cut the arts. We are not as important as math, science, reading and writing. History History is important, by the way, I still like that's, that's a subject. History and civics. My kids, we, we go over right. We don't want to repeat the mistakes of the past.

01:04:50

So it's going to take your child, especially if they're in middle school, a long time to figure out what they really like to do and and it will take a lot of time of boredom. If you give them electronics, if you give into screen time, it robs them of that time of being bored because they are satiated and pacified by the screens. So we have to take those away, even though it might be very painful, even though they will revolt, there might be a mutiny, and that's okay, buck up, you're the parent, you can do it. Okay. So then this next thing we do is we let them get bored and we let them explore stupid interests like making dirt balls, and we give them plenty of time to think and be, and it might be that for a while they just sit on the dog bed with the dog and do nothing for hours and guess what. It's okay, let them be bored, I promise it. Well, like it gets to a point that they get done with being bored and they want something to do they want, they want to. Can I ride my bike to the store? Can I? Can I do this? Can I make a cake? I make cookies. Can I try making popcorn on the stove Right now? I'm not saying eliminate screen times, screen altogether. Now I have had some parents that are like I realized I had to eliminate screens altogether. Right, you don't have to, you just have to. Like you get a half an hour a day of screens. Like you just have to grossly limit the screens. Okay. Next thing you need to do get them outside, get them moving Y'all.

01:06:29

I cannot express enough how good nature is for our psychology. I've done a podcast episode on this as well. So we need nature. It helps lower our cortisol, it helps our children lower their cortisol. Let them play, let them climb. We want them to be outside and then we want especially the boys, to get them moving. We need them moving to the point of exhaustion. Their bodies physically need it. Their spirits and their minds physically need it. So get them moving, get them running. If you're in a warm climate area, if you can get to a place that has running water like a stream, there is nothing more enticing than running water. For children and for middle school kids there is something about movement with water and nature that is just intoxicating. So get them out there in nature. Get them out there, get them feeling the wind on their face, the sun, the sunlight beating down on them. Let them climb the trees and don't and don't let them climb high. Let them experience where their risks, their limits are. Let them take some risks. The boys especially need it desperately. Okay, so we want to get them outside and get them moving to the point of exhaustion.

01:07:54

And if all else fails, after several months and you find that they're still anxious and depressed and I guarantee they're better now they're getting better. But if they still are, then seek professional help. Now, if there's really big things, like they've been suicidal or things like that, yeah, get them professional help right away. I'm not saying don't get professional help. I absolutely am saying, when they need it, get professional help. But a lot of times, all these things, you'll find that as their cortisol is dropping, as they're getting the sleep that they need, as their natural dopamine and their natural oxytocin and all of those natural hormones are being released in their body, from being outside, from having rest, from having time to have their minds be at rest not just sleep, but at rest, you'll find that they start to do better and especially as they start to rely on you for emotional nourishment, they get better.

01:08:55

I want to tell you a quick story about one of the families that I worked with. They had a 13-year-old daughter who was starting to get severely depressed. Who was starting to get severely depressed, who the mom was so worried. She had a little friend. Her little best friend started hanging out with this other girl and then the girl started identifying as transgender and all the things. And and then, on top of it, math was plaguing this child and, um, the mom doesn't know what to do. She finally decides to pull her and so she pulls her and and when she pulls her, like the light is out of this child's eyes. She is just this little shell of a human being. Um, and over the next two years, this mom does all those things gets her outside and gets her bored, lets her be bored, she gets her moving. She goes to a dance class which she had been going to. They slow down in math, they start to read together, and now here we are, two years later and I met with the girl at the beginning of the journey and I've seen the girl since recently and it's a night and day different child.

01:10:25

This is a child who is happy and she's confident. And if you ask her today, uh, do you want to go back to school? You know, because now she's a freshman or sophomore. I'm trying to remember she was 13, turning 14, so she's turning 15, so I think she's technically would be a sophomore in high school and she's like I would never go back. She's like I am happy. She said I've never been closer to my parents I look at. She ended up she never had a smartphone, but she did have a phone, got rid of the friendships that she had had in public school.

01:11:02

She herself realized herself without her parents, realized that those friendships were not good, that they were unhealthy friendships, and cut off a lot of those friendships. She became closer to her family members. She's starting to make some other friends, but now she recognizes when friendships are not healthy, when they're not good. But I said, would you ever want to go back to school? And she's like not, if you paid me. She said I, I believed that I was dumb and, miss Janae, I am not dumb. I said, no, you are not. And her mom has her heart back and this child has light in her eyes again and a smile again and there's not anxiety and there's not depression, of which we're plaguing this kid, and her story is not unusual.

01:12:02

So if you don't think it's possible, I promise you. I promise you it is absolutely possible to heal these children's hearts. It is absolutely possible to heal their hearts and it has to be from you. You have to be the parent that does the hard work of getting their hearts back. It takes time of letting them rest, slowing down the academics, even though society's pushing them, and it's scary. I promise. I promise you can start adding more as time goes. That's fine, but let them rest from the things that are the hardest and have caused the most pain. Get rid of their smartphones, cut down their screen time. Let them get bored, let them get outside, let them run and play and jump. Even at the beginning they don't want to and just want to sit there. I promise, get them by water. I tell you, it's magical. Running water is a magical thing. And then, if necessary, after all those things, if you need to get them professional help, get the help that they need there, but be very choosy about the therapist that you choose for them if you go that route, because they are not all created equal.

01:13:16

Okay, my friends, I've been talking now for an hour and 13 minutes. Um, I love you. I am grateful for you. I love hearing your stories, ruby. I loved hearing you talk about getting your young son's heart back. Thank you for that beautiful message. I needed to hear it that day. I love your messages. Sometimes it takes me a while to get back to people, but I am proud of you, moms and dads. You are brave and you are doing the hard work. It is hard to homeschool. It is hard, but guess what? It is worth every second of the hard Because our kids are worth it. Our kids are worth all of the hard that we go through with them. They are worth every second of it. Oh, I love you. They are worth every second of it. Oh, I love you. You are doing so much better than you think you are. I'm excited.

01:14:12

Upcoming workshop is coming up on november 5th. It will be christmas school. I've got some fun things to share with you that will warm your children's hearts as you go through christmas together. Homeschooling during christ Christmas time is the most fun Hands down, so fun. So we're going to be talking about what we can do for Christmas school and making things magical, and it's different than last year's. Last year's I talked about making a magical Christmas. So many fun things that you can do. We're going to be going into a little bit more, a little bit different direction with Christmas and what we can do to fill up their hearts with the love of God Through the Christmas season. That will be our focus this Christmas school November 5th and I've got some fun giveaways that I'm going to be doing. So that's coming up November 5th. You have to sign up for it so you can get the link, so you can watch it, participate it is participatory, my friends. You are doing so much better than you think you are. You got this. We will talk next week. I love you.