00:00 - Janae Daniels (Host)

I lost my mom this past week and I debated not even doing a podcast for a couple weeks. But as I was driving home and there was so much quiet while everyone was sleeping, and I was thinking about what I wanted to speak about at her funeral All of us kids are speaking, we've each been given two minutes and I talk a lot longer than that. But as I was thinking about what I wanted to share, um, at her funeral, I started thinking about all of the great lessons that my mom taught me, and so today I just want to share seven, uh, 16, 16 lessons that my mom taught me. So a little background about my very eccentric, very eclectic mom. If you can imagine, she has short, dark, spiky hair. She was 81 when she passed and, if you can imagine, her hair was as dark as mine and that's because it was bottled. So here she is as an 81 year old, always with bright lipstick and spiky, dark, short hair, and she loves food. Food was my mom's love language. Um, so as we get into that, you're going to get to know my mom just just a little bit.

01:32

She grew up. Her name is Nancy Judd. You can Google her, she will come up. Um, she, she grew up in the fifties in Los Angeles, california. So, and unlike my father, who was very, very poor, my mom was very, very wealthy, and so when they got married, that was an adjustment being married to a farmer's son, um, but, and my dad and she survived by my dad my dad's still alive, which I may or may not. Tell you a really funny story that happened. It was terrible, but it was really funny at the same time. Happened with my dad.

02:13

So let's talk about the 16 lessons that I learned from my mom that I am so grateful for that I want to emulate as much as I can as her child and just as a person, because I feel like she. She lit the world up, she made it a brighter place. She was very sassy, very eclectic. Okay, so let's talk about this Um 16 lessons that I learned from my mom. So you have to understand. Food was my mom's love language and you'll learn a little bit more about food with her. The first thing that I learned is that you need to pursue ideas and creativities and move mountains if you need to. So my mom was always pursuing her creative passions. As a child, she auditioned for the Mickey Mouse Club. She was really mad because a girl named annette funicello beat her out.

03:08

Um, she had been a dancer a tap dancer and a ballet dancer as a child, which is funny because she definitely not was not. In her later years she could still do some tap moves, um, but as she got older and started having kids, she realized how much she loved food. She got older and started having kids. She realized how much she loved food. So she contacted networks. She had actually the I wouldn't say it was the first cooking show on a cable network ever. She had done cake decorating and judging cake decorating competitions. She's written multiple cookbooks I don't know if any are in print anymore, um, but she also was on chopped, she was on the world food championship, she was on Donahue, she won a competition on good morning America and she did not let anything stop her, which we're going to talk about here. Which leads into number two, which is fear.

04:03

Um, but for us as kids, like we, didn't have a lot of money growing up. My dad grew up on a farm and then my mom grew up in Los Angeles and was quite wealthy. But when they got married, you know, coming from two very different socioeconomic backgrounds, they made it work and my dad had a good job. He retired from IBM, amongst other places in his career, and my dad had a good job. He retired from IBM, amongst other places in his career, and my dad is still alive. Uh, but it's interesting because there's eight kids in my family.

04:40

I am fifth daughter, sixth child, third to the youngest, it's my brother, and then seven girls, and we didn't have a lot of extra money, and so my mom would barter, trade, ask whatever she had to to get us into extracurricular activities. I loved theater, and there was no way that my parents could afford some of the theater classes that were some of the very few theater classes that were offered in Austin when I was growing up, and so my mom made sure to look for any and everything that was available at a reasonable price for theater camps. I went to a Waldorf school for a theater camp and she did some extra stuff to be able to pay for that for that week. She bartered all the time for stuff. For example, she taught children's cooking camps, which was the number one summer cooking camp for kids in Austin for many, many years when I was growing up. It was a week long camp. The kids would come, they'd learn all these different cooking techniques. They come all day and they would leave with full meals. Like she taught how to do a Thanksgiving dinner using a Cornish Cornish game hen, and each child made their own, like it wasn't, like they all made it together, like they each made their own stuff. And so she would barter with for services in exchange for kids uh, people's kids coming to um, to the cooking camp.

06:27

Um, she couldn't one year, she couldn't afford all the dental work that had to be done. So she, she bartered for years, uh, doing food, like doing lunches for the dentist's office, in exchange to pay for the dental work that had to be done. So she got really, really creative with being able to provide us experiences when we normally couldn't have afforded it. And my sister-in-law brought this up the other day. She's like, she's like, oh, I just signed my kids my sister-in-law also homeschools them and so she was like, oh, I just signed so-and-so up for this, this, this, some golf lessons for this, this, this, some golf lessons, cause he's really good at golfing, he loves golfing. Uh, but I knew, I knew I couldn't, we couldn't afford it, and so, cause they were really expensive, and so I, I did what your mom said to do and I bartered, and, sure enough, they said yes. And so she's like so I'm bartering. You know, she she's actually also bartering, bartering lunch she's like. So now I'm making, once a week I'm bringing in lunch for the staff in exchange for my son to have golf lessons. Um, and my mom would also ask you know, is there a way we could get a discount? Is there a way we could, we could make this happen? And oftentimes the answer was yes, which leads into. So the first thing is, pursue your ideas and creativity, move mountains if you have to, to make things happen. Which leads and and y'all I had.

08:00

I do have to say that all of my siblings, like we all, have different interests. My brother was a runner and then got into business and he set state records in cross-country in the state of Texas that have never been beaten. She made sure she found a way for him to have a coach. My sister was a flautist, found ways to ensure that she got flute lessons. My next sister was into politics. Next sister was in into politics. Uh, she helped my sister get um, an internship with a, with a Congressman in Washington and live there for a period of time doing a high school internship program that they had. Uh, my next sister loved singing and she ensured that she um had lessons available to learn classical to become classically trained. My next sister, also a flautist um, helped her pursue that and becoming a drum major at the high school.

09:01

Um me was. I was in theater, um, and then my younger two sisters with their interests, which were often changing, and then sports too, making sure that they did kickball, which in Austin was actually a thing for girls I think it still is a competitive thing. So she taught us to move mountains and she ensured that our interests were um, were taken seriously, and then she'd move forward with it. Okay, so that's the first lesson. I promise not all lessons are going to take 10 minutes, uh. Second lesson, which the first lesson leads into is don't let fear stop you from pursuing anything. My mom was not afraid of rejection, and so she would pursue it regardless of what the outcome might be Like, unless it was like a dangerous outcome.

09:58

But as a teenager she auditioned for the new Mickey Mouse Club that they were creating in the 50s. She was beat out by Annette Funicello. She applied for Chop chopped and got on, even though you know it was scary. Um, you can watch her episode. It's called the grandma versus grandma episode of chopped. I will not tell you what happened, you can watch it yourselves. She uh applied for the world food championships. She ended up becoming, um, the dessert champion one year. Uh, for the world food championships. She was on the great American holiday bake-off. Uh, she was on the Donahue show when I was in high school on how to throw a wedding frugally, like. She was part of, like, just part of this one segment. She was on good morning America and won a wings competition like, uh, a chicken wing competition. Um, and then in the retirement center that she and my dad were living in, they had a little group of ladies that would go around and perform for other retirement centers, and this is up until she broke her hip two years ago and y'all, my mom dressed up.

11:16

She called me once and she's like I need you to tell me how to do comedy. So for those of you that are new to the podcast and actually I don't even know if I've shared this before Y'all, I did comedy for a lot of years. I've done sketch comedy, I've done standup, I've done improv, I've done it professionally, stopped doing it, decided that's not what I wanted to do. You won't find me online, though, because nothing was ever recorded that I had done. Uh, so comedy was kind of my thing since I was, since I was a teenager.

11:53

And, um, my mom calls me and said I need you to teach me how to do improv. I mean, teach me how to do some comedy, because I'm for this, this traveling thing that we're doing for the retirement center. I'm going to do comedy and I'm for. I was like that is a bad idea. She is not funny. She laughs really easy, but she is not funny. And so I called my siblings and they're like oh, no, no, no, no, no. Well, she bugged me enough that finally I'm like okay, mom, here's what you could do. So she did it and she's like it was a hit. I was hilarious. Now I don't know if she was actually hilarious, but she thought she was hilarious and apparently, uh, people who watched it at the other retirement centers thought she was a kick in the pants.

12:44

So, um, she didn't ever let fear stop her from trying anything, and she tried to instill that in us Y'all. It was terrifying starting a podcast, and every week when I release a podcast. It is a little bit scary. She was an early adopter of YouTube, which she gave up pretty quick, you know, because she's like oh, this is this. The filming takes a long time, but when YouTube first came out, I think it was like 2008, eight, 2006. I can't remember. Uh, she was filming YouTube videos. You can watch it. Maybe I'll try to find one and link it below, but you can watch some of her YouTube videos about being a fairy and, um, having a tea party as a fairy, uh, but she was. She was never afraid of anything, and so when I started the podcast, that was something that I kept thinking. Like, if mom could apply for chopped and for world food championships and do a YouTube channel, I can put together a podcast. Even though people may not like me, they might think I'm stupid, they may say ugly things, I can do a podcast, which is now something that I'm trying to. They may say ugly things, I can do a podcast, which is now something that I'm trying to instill in my own kids.

13:53

Okay, number three is relationships matter. My mother was really good at seeing people, seeing what they needed and then really, um, pursuing relationships. She had insomnia, uh, which is problematic, but one of her favorite things to do up until her passing is that she would call my kids, like at three o'clock in the morning, and she's oblivious to the fact that there is time, and sometimes day time and nighttime are two different things and people sleep. She'd forget that all the time on purpose, um, but she would call my teenagers and y'all, even though I live 600 miles away. Um, my kids have a close relationship with my parents because of it, because she would pursue them relentlessly and let them know that they were loved and let them know that she thought the world of them with her own friends.

14:50

I remember taking food to people all the time, taking dinners to people and lunches to people, or her saying so, and so's in the hospital, we need to go see them. I remember this one particular time. A friend of hers was in the hospital and she said we need to go and we need to sing to her. So we got there and we sang to her and then she said to her friend, lahoma, I feel like you need your feet massaged and she's like my feet hurt so bad. And so we sat and rubbed LaHoma's feet and we sang hymns to her and LaHoma started to cry and she said I feel like I'm in the presence of angels, and up until LaHoma died she would say that was.

15:34

One of my most favorite memories is that, nancy, you came and you took time with me and you rubbed my feet and you sang to me and you saw me, and so relationships are really important to my mom and and we've talked about this, like with our kids like relationships are paramount. Um, they are the number one thing, as we especially for those of us going into homeschooling that we have to focus on is the relationship. The academics come later, everything else comes after the relationship, which is something that my mom really tried to instill in us. Not that she was always successful in instilling her you know her thoughts but she tried. Number four laugh easily and don't take yourself too seriously. She laughed all the time and she found like she would start laughing and then she like peer pants. She'd start to laugh so hard which is a trait I have inherited is peeing my pants when I laugh too hard and then I'll start to cough. Um, but don't take yourself too seriously, life is too short, so be sure to laugh. So she found the funny in everything, uh.

16:50

Number five a change is as good as a rest. Sometimes it's not that we need a rest from something, sometimes we just need to change things up. If things get boring or monotonous or hard, then change it up, whether that's rearrange your furniture at home or okay, this thing like a curriculum is not working, or the way that we're doing this is not working, then we need to change things up Because, as she'd always say, a change is as good as a rest. It feels invigorating when we make changes in our lives, even though change is scary. Number six Okay, I'm probably going to get in trouble for saying this, but my sister and I were just discussing this one, and this is actually something I've shared with my kids, so I'll probably get banned or canceled for this one, but it's true. This is something to teach our kids.

17:51

Don't date or marry men who are too handsome. My mom would always say that Don't ever date men, date or marry men who are too handsome. They will either be gay or they will be unfaithful the end. She was never wrong. So about that she was wrong. About lots of things she was never wrong about that. So I do think my husband happens to be super handsome. My sister is, like my husband's, really handsome too, but they weren't like that handsome. Like you know, I'm talking to about where you see the person you're like, oh my gosh, you're drop dead gorgeous. They were, they were handsome enough, but they weren't too handsome. So, uh, don't date or marry men who are too handsome. They will either be gay or they will be unfaithful. She would say that all the time and sometimes I'd be like, oh, I like this guy. And she's like, nope, I wouldn't, he's too, he's too handsome. And and she was never wrong, uh, number seven many hands make light burdens, which I remind my kids like it.

18:52

If we do something together, it gets done a lot faster. And she'd say that over and over and over again many hands make light burdens. Kids. Many hands make heavy burdens light Kids. Many hands make heavy burdens, light Kids. Many hands make light burdens. The more we can help each other burns light Kids. Many hands make light burdens. The more we can help each other, the easier the task is. Everyone needs to pitch in and help. Not that we always liked that, but she would repeat it again and again and again and again.

19:20

And number eight this one I wish I had taken to heart a long time ago and that is and I've said this in the podcast before, if you have listened to um any episodes don't shoot a sparrow with a cannon. And sometimes, when I've been really harsh on my kids, my mom will remind me shoes like they are little sparrows. Treat them accordingly and do not shoot them with a cannon, like when I disciplined. Sometimes I was really harsh as a disciplinary and I'm like you can be grounded for a month and she's like they are sparrows. Don't shoot them with a cannon. You will regret it. Let the natural consequences teach them. Let the natural consequences teach them, period. Oh, I'm going to actually add in a 17th thing that my mom taught me, so I'm going to, I'm going to add to that right now, so there's actually going to be 17 things instead of 16 things Along with that um.

20:23

She would say kids learn at the pace that they need to learn at. And she's like for those of you that are new moms or potty training kids, she would say you don't have to worry about potty training, don't push them in potty training. When they are ready, they will potty train. I promise all of a sudden it'll happen overnight Y'all. She had eight kids. She knew when kids are ready, they will potty train, but she also would would teach like, when kids are ready, they will do what they need to do. When kids are ready, they, when they're ready, they'll do it. She was actually the first person who taught me that, even though I didn't always apply it to academics and when we started homeschooling uh, I really saw that, that that wisdom that when they're ready, they, they will, they will move forward. She would say when you're ready, you will blossom into a butterfly, y'all.

21:15

I was a super awkward kid and I had glasses and they broke once up here and then the lens would just fall out and I refused to get new ones because I thought they were pretty, and so I just glued them and my mom was so embarrassed and and I was, so I was chubby and I was awkward and all the things and she could say when you are ready, you will blossom. And so, when I was ready, I had makeup that my sisters had purchased for me and I refused to wear it. And then, when I was ready, I wore it and everyone's like look, you turned into a butterfly. So she'd always be like, like with with children growing up when they're ready, with children growing up when they're ready, they'll grow. When they're ready, they'll catch up to things. They'll learn things. Stop pushing, stop pushing it. When they're ready, they're going to potty train. And it'll happen so fast, overnight. And that was true overnight. My kids potty trained like it. It took less than 24 hours. And my kids potty trained when they were ready. Okay, um, so I did. Eight Don't shoot a sparrow with Canyon. Nine Um, when they're ready, they'll. They'll do what they need to do.

22:23

Number 10, just a little side note. Growing up in Texas, wear lipstick when you leave the house. She'd always tell me that. And now I tell my kids I'm like look your best when you leave the house. House, I didn't heed that. As a teenager I wore Birkenstocks all the time with socks and I didn't really care. And my mom was like you're gonna look like a boy if you do not wear lipstick, because you look just like your brother, and she was not lying. So look your best when you leave the house, wear lipstick when you leave the house. And again, this is. This is a woman who has, like I said, google her. Nancy Judge has bright red lipstick, spiky dark hair, even though she was in her eighties she would dye it religiously. Um, but she said always look your best.

23:05

Number 11, the planning of an event is always more fun than the actual event. So you may as well really enjoy the journey and then don't be let down by the event. So that I've talked about setting low expectations lots of times, which sounds terrible, but really when your expectations are lowered, things things go better. But she'd always say that with the, with events she's like and she loved parties. They called her at the retirement center a party in a person, events she's like and she loved parties. They called her at the retirement center a party in a person. She loved parties. So when, when you're planning something, really enjoy it because that's where the fun is is the actual thinking about the fun things that you're going to do. Uh, I love watching the, the Pinterest and the different Instagram reels where the like someone's doing like a Harry Potter themed party and they go all out or they do like some themed party. The actual party might be a letdown, but it's the doing and the creating and the coming up the ideas. That's where the fun is, that's where the joy is. That the journey is where the joy is, and my mom would say that like even raising your kids. She's like mom, she's like Janae the fun is raising them. Don't, don't look too far in the future. The fun part is the raising them. It's the discovering who they are and what they love, the the planning is always more fun than the actual end. It's always the most fun part. So enjoy the journey.

24:36

Next thing um, you can learn anything at any age and my mom was a living testament to that. Um, you and I, my friends, as our kids, are learning. We can still learn. We, we can learn new, new things.

24:56

As I mentioned, um, she was in the sassy ladies group in the retirement center that went around to other retirement centers performing and after she broke her hip two years ago. She broke her hip two years ago. She recovered pretty well, which they thought she was going to die then, but she didn't. She's like ago she recovered pretty well, which they thought she was going to die then, but she didn't. She's like oh no, I have to learn this Greek dance. So I have to get my hip stronger because I've got to perform with the sassy ladies. I don't actually know what their name was. They had a name that was pretty funny, but I can't remember what it was, so I'll just call them sassy ladies.

25:28

So here she was at, you know, 80 years old, 79 years old um was at. You know, 80 years old, 79 years old um recovering from a broken hip, trying to learn from YouTube this dance, and that was her mantra, like she would, if she wanted to learn something, she would learn it. She learned how to day trade. She was like I'm going to learn how to day trade. And so she researched and found classes back in the day when we didn't have a lot of the internet access, and she figured out how to day trade. She didn't do well at it and she gave up after a while, but she learned the process right. Um, she learned, would learn recipes. She, I mean, she learned so many things and it was in. Even into her eighties she was still learning, still wanting to know and learn new things, which is as we show our kids that. That gives them the confidence um to to pursue new things and not be afraid.

26:36

Next thing, this number 13, food tastes better if it looks pretty. Y'all. Poetry tastes better if we have a poetry tea time. Um, this, this principle, like if something looks pretty, it always tastes better. So my mom would always, um, she loved dressing up food, um, but she was like but it tastes better. If you present a cake in a beautiful way, the cake tastes better, versus if you just grab a piece of cake and hand it to somebody, they're not going to want to eat it. But it tastes better if it you just grab a piece of cake and hand it to somebody. They're not going to want to eat it. But it tastes better if it's presented in a beautiful manner, and that's how life is. It tastes better if we do it with beauty than if we just throw something out there.

27:28

Number 14, food also tastes better if somebody else makes it. Food also tastes better if somebody else makes it, unless it's a child, and then it tastes amazing because they made it. So my mom's like I always prefer somebody else to make something for me. It always tastes better. She loved to cook, but she also loved when people cooked for her. But she learned very quickly teaching children's cooking school and cooking camps, that if you let the kid, let kids in the kitchen, um, they are proud of the food that they make and they think it tastes amazing. So food always tastes better if somebody else makes it, unless you're a kid and then it tastes the very best if you make it yourself. And so she would always encourage kids in the kitchen and to do like more than just cookies. That was the other thing. As I mentioned, she did the summer camp and they would make real food, like they would make meals, not like we're going to make cookies today, like she's. Like. Today you're going to learn how to dress a turkey using a cornish game. As I mentioned, you're going to make a pie from scratch. The real deal. This is what you're going to do. And those kids did amazing.

28:44

And to watch their confidence soar, my mom's like, when kids can do stuff by themselves, their confidence soar. So don't make sure. Oh yes, this is adding another thing. Um, let kids do things on their own. Don't do it for them. They they're not going to learn if you do it for them. Let them do it and they will surprise you and delight you and shock you. Okay, next thing, cause now I'm I think I'm up to 18 things. But, um, you can do hard things, janae Daniels. You can do hard things, ande Daniels. You can do hard things, and my mom would do hard stuff all the time.

29:18

Uh, number 15, don't tiptoe around the topic of sex or intimacy with kids. Be blunt. This is something I really appreciated with my mom. Um, when we'd have the talk, she was really blunt about it and she wasn't like sit down and let's talk about these things. She was like look, this is this is how things are, this is what it is, any questions? And then she'd say and if you ever have any questions, um, you will never get in trouble for asking any questions, not ever, not ever.

29:58

And so I remember coming home from high school hearing something, uh, from some boys in my Spanish class Thank you, matt Brown and Matt Maroney. Um, and I was like what is that? And, um, so I went home and she I will never forget, she was cooking spaghetti. And I'm like mom, what is this? And y'all, it's something that will make you blush. I'm not gonna say what it is, but it would make you blush, like as an adult. I'd be like, um, and she's like, oh, she's, without missing a beat, starting the spaghetti. It's this, and, and I was like okay, and she's like where'd you hear that? I'm like at school in Spanish, from these two boys that were talking about it and they asked me if I knew what it was and I said no. And then they turned bright red and they said, well, we're not going to tell you what it is if you don't know what that is. Then they turned bright red and they said, well, we're not going to tell you what it is If you don't know what that is, um, and she's like yep, that's what it is, didn't miss a beat, right? That's the first thing I heard about. Like that thing was in school and public school. Hooray for socialization. Okay, thank you to homeschooling.

31:10

Um, so I learned, like I like with intimacy my mom, I could ask her anything and she and there was several times that they could have been very awkward situations but she was like Nope, this is what it is, any other questions? And I'm like okay, thank you. And she wasn't weird about it. I have a niece who came and asked me about something. She's like I can't ask mom, my mom, because she always is like oh, honey, sit down and let's have this deep conversation, she's like, and it becomes so awkward. So I just rather ask you. And I told my mom, I'm just going to ask you because she gets awkward. And my mom said okay, and I did talk to my sister and she's like, yeah, no, I really appreciate that because she gets really mad at me then and anyway, she can ask you. And so I'm because I was really blunt, I'm like my mom, I am a mini me of my mom in many ways. That's one of the ways I actually look like my mom too.

32:06

So don't, don't tiptoe around the topic of intimacy or sex with kids. Be blunt, don't be weird and then finally, last but not least, champion your kids. The way they view themselves is a reflection of the mirror that you hold up to them, my friends, which we talked about. Um, that we are our kids compass for the world, like how they view the world, how they view themselves, depends on us being their compass, us being their navigational guide.

32:43

I I will never forget a couple of things happen. One one thing is when, once, when I was a child, I started I made this picture and and I had drawn my name, and then I did colors around it and I covered the whole picture, which might be considered unremarkable, but when I showed my mom, she was like you are an artist. That is amazing, this is beautiful, I want to frame this, this, and she did, um, and she's like my little one, you're, you're an artist. Uh, when I first started doing comedy, she's like you are funny, do it? Um, unlike most parents, when I, um, I finished my associate's degree in general theater studies and then I transferred to a bigger university and, um, I decided to go into costume design over acting, and my mom and my dad I will never forget.

33:52

Whereas most parents would be like, yes, do something with skills. Um, my mom was like Janae, you are gifted, you are funny and you have incredible timing. Why would you not go into acting? I mean, ultimately, you choose what you're going to do because you're paying for it. You know, I paid for my own education. Um, she's like you're, you're going to pay for it, but but you're such a gifted performer, why, why are you not performing?

34:25

And I told her the reasons that she goes dad and I, we will support you in whatever you choose, but, no, you are gifted. Like it didn't matter that what I was interested in was creative and not engineering. Um, she let me see that the things I was interested mattered and they were important. And the, the mirror that she put up to me, the reflection that she allowed me to see was that those were worthwhile gifts and I was worthwhile because I was doing those gifts and I was just worthwhile anyway. I just mattered anyway. And so that's one thing that she taught me is that I need to be the champion of my kids. I need to see their worthwhileness in their abilities and just who they are as humans, because who they are and that's something that she I'm really grateful, that's the mirror she held up for me. That that's the mirror she held up for me. So those are the end of 18 lessons that I learned from my mom and I hope, I hope these lessons are helpful as you help your kids or grandkids.

35:48

Kathy here's looking at you. Um, anyway, you can look her up. Nancy Judd, I'll try to add some links if I, if I can find them, for some of her stuff. But champion your kids. My friends, you got this. You're doing better than you think you are. We will talk next week, because my mom would say, just because I died doesn't mean you shouldn't record. You should do another podcast next week. Um, that would be how my mom would be. Anyway, we will talk next week. If you found this podcast helpful, sign up for our newsletter at school to homeschoolcom, where there's also lots of other resources. You can also subscribe to us on YouTube at school to homesomeschool, or join our private Facebook page School to Homeschool. You've got this, my friends.