Chapter 1 Homeschooling to Public School Transition

Janae Daniels Host

00:00

Hello my friends and welcome back. I am so excited for today's guest. I have a good friend of mine on today who has just come out with her new book Overwhelmed A Homeschool Mom's Rescue Plan for Peaceful Routines. You can see it here. I'll have a link for this in the show notes so you guys can pick this up. But this is Amanda Schenkenberger. She is a longtime homeschooler. She was homeschooled herself, but she's going to share her story here in a little bit. She's got four boys ages 12, all the way down to five, and she's just wise, just a wise human being who I wanted to come on and share her wisdom and experience with you, because when I very first talked to her, I'm like with you. Because when I very first talked to her, I'm like I am so glad I know this person, because she has been an inspiration to me and brought so much um thought, different thought provoking ideas and wisdom, especially to the homeschooling world. And so, amanda, thank you so, so much for coming today.

Amanda Schenkenberger Guest

00:59

Oh man. Well, thanks for all those kind words. Hopefully I live up to them for the podcast and your listeners.

Janae Daniels Host

01:08

I don't think you're going to have a problem with that, so let's talk. Okay, so you start from the beginning. We'll get to overwhelmed your book here in a little bit, but I want to talk about your, your personal experience because you were homeschooled. Your personal experience because you were homeschooled, correct? Yes, yes, okay.

Amanda Schenkenberger Guest

01:29

So let's start at the beginning. So the top yeah, I recently had, you know, I talked to my parents and I was like, guys, whose idea was it to homeschool? My mom was like it was your dad's idea and my dad's kind of always been unconventional Interesting story about him. He went completely deaf in his 20s and so he learned to lip read and so he's very neurodiverse, has very different ideas about, you know, life and just persevering and positivity, because he's had to endure a lot and so he's like well, I think I can do a better job than those public schools are, you know, 25 some odd years ago, and my mom was she's like I don't know, I don't know. And then he convinced her and she eventually bought into it.

02:15

But my experience with homeschooling my dad actually taught me how to read. So I like to tell moms, those who are listening, if you're worried about teaching your kid to read, if a deaf dude can teach his daughter how to read, you can teach your kid to read too. Even if that's true, yeah, even if English is your second language, like you can do it. So let's just put that out there. Uh, but I had a. I learned to read, write some math and I had a very free-spirited unschooling experience as a homeschooler. We bred horses and we bred dogs, and so we very much had a ranch life. And then I also got to travel internationally for the sport that I did and this gave me so much life experience. And obviously there were there were ranch chores, and I barely remember some school. I mostly remember the ranch chores and then lots and lots of fun being outdoors, discovering what I like to do, how I like to do it, and it was honestly a glorious upbringing up until the time I was probably like 11 or 12.

Janae Daniels Host

03:30

So before we get into that now, do you have any siblings or are you an only child?

Amanda Schenkenberger Guest

03:36

So, okay, funny. So I'm kind of raised as an only child. I have a half sister who didn't live with us and she's like 11 years older than me she's wonderful. And I have a full-sister who didn't live with us and she's like 11 years older than me. She's wonderful. Gotcha and I have a full-blooded younger brother, but he wasn't born until I was nine and my parents got divorced when he was very young and my dad took him. So yes, I have siblings, but I did very much grow up as an only child.

Janae Daniels Host

04:02

Gotcha, gotcha. Okay, I just want to clarify that, okay. So then let's move into your um, you very unschooling world that you grew up in, um free spirit hit 11. What happens when you're 11?

Amanda Schenkenberger Guest

04:17

So when I was 11, we moved from our community, our homeschool community, our horse community, like our people, to a different state, and as an 11 year old who doesn't attend school, doesn't know anybody around us, I had no way to make friends. And I mean my parents, you know, we. I remember moving the horses. I remember, like I remember moving the dogs. It was a hoopla, and so my parents had a lot to overcome to get to a new state, figure out life there. They don't know anybody, and so it was a really challenging time for me as an 11-year-old who suddenly, like we actually moved in winter too, and so there's snow on the ground, there wasn't snow where I was before. I can't go out and play, I don't have any friends here, and like I don't know what to do with myself. And within a couple of years, my parents ended up getting a divorce as well, and so that was also yeah, it was, it was a lot and it even compounds a little bit more. So we, they, they decided to get a divorce. My dad moved away because he needed to go find a job. It was like there was a lot of stressors, right, they were going through a lot, and so my dad moved away to a different state again and we had to get rid of all of the ranch. The ranch was gone. Like my way of living being with horses having dogs it was gone. Being with horses having dogs it was gone. And so having no community, no way to make friends, and losing all of like my friends, which are the animals like.

05:54

There was some really dark time for me as a tween and a teen and my parents ended up were like, okay, well, what are we gonna do with Amanda? Like she's not being homeschooled and she's getting close to the age of high school. Like we don't, we don't want to set her up for failure. And so the decision was made to put me into public school. Then and honestly, you know, with life happening, lots of educational pieces got. You know, they fell through the cracks and my parents were just trying to do the best they could in the moment.

06:28

And so when I entered public high school, I was supposed to be a sophomore and I was so terrified of failing. I actually started as a freshman, so I was kind of one of those super seniors, but not really because nobody held me back, and I just remember being terrified of public school, not because I didn't know how to make friends, like I did know how to do that, I grew up doing that and it was very overwhelming the classroom and thousands of students. You know it was close to a thousand students. I guess not multiple thousands, but a thousand people. I'm not really around that very often. And I remember showing up to my first class, my first period, and it was physical science, with Mrs Woodward and I was like I don't, I don't even know what science is Like. I've never studied science. Of course, life school, right, unschooling, we bred dogs, we bred horses, like there was a lot of biology that I didn't realize I already had.

Janae Daniels Host

07:36

You're doing hands-on, the real deal.

Amanda Schenkenberger Guest

07:39

The real deal. Yeah, no theories here. And so I remember that first class class and I just remember sweating. I was sweating, I was so nervous I was thinking, oh my gosh, what if I raised my hand at the wrong time? What if I have to go pee? Does everybody know I'm homeschooled, which no one ended up asking ever. Nobody suspected that. And you know that that first class went well. I had, I had great teachers. Oh, the overall home, the overall public school experience was was a pretty good one.

08:11

But what I realized early on was it was actually the first quarter they posted grades and I went over there to check. You know, oh gosh, I've never done science before. Let's see what my grade is, where I'm in, in, in, uh, where I rank in my classroom, and, oh, I'm near the top. Is that? Is that a mistake? Like I've never. I've never done school before. I've never done school before. Oh, okay. And then I go on to my English class. Oh, I'm also near the near the top. Oh. And then in Spanish, in all my classes I was either at the top or near the top. And that's when, 14 year old me had the revelation that changed my life, which was if I could come in here and school all these kids who have been chained to a desk their whole life and do better than them. I think I know a better way to learn, and that is when I decided I was like I'm not going to send my kids to public school.

Janae Daniels Host

09:18

I'm going to homeschool them. Did you complete high school or did you go back home after that first year?

Amanda Schenkenberger Guest

09:25

No, I graduated as a senior and I graduated in the top, I think, two or 3% of my class. I was like nine out of 300 and something. So I did really well, especially for somebody who had very limited schooling experience.

Janae Daniels Host

09:42

Yeah, so would you say. So what were some of your? Because your, your big epiphany, is like okay, I, I didn't. I have never had a formal experience and here I am, I'm doing really great. Did you find that it took its toll on your self-esteem or your love of learning going into the system? Or do you feel like you had a strong enough sense of self and who you were, um, that you were able to be like well, whatever you know.

Amanda Schenkenberger Guest

10:13

Well, that's a that's an interesting question. I felt like it was a waste of time, like I. I enjoyed the connection with my peers, like I got to be in plays. It's actually where I met my husband, you know. So there I saw I am, we're high school sweethearts. Um, that's so fun.

Chapter 2 Life After High School and Marriage

10:34

So we, like I, saw value. But as far as far as learning goes, I had such a gap. And I did find a lot of value in the English teachers I had Specifically I think it was my sophomore, no, it was my junior year teacher. He was just so, so helpful in helping me learn how to write and continue to improve, and so and I fell in love with Spanish and I saw the value. But I knew it could be done better.

11:09

Sitting for 50 minutes in a classroom waiting for the bell to ring oh, I don't get to finish all my things. Moving to the next class, there there was a better way to do it and I knew that. But you know, as a, as a teenager, I there was no way I could facilitate that. I didn't have that support or that knowledge and it I wouldn't say it, it did anything to my self-esteem, but I did find myself getting lost in the that question of who am I, what, what do I? Even you know, what do I enjoy? Why am I here? But I think we have those questions very often anyways, especially given what my life had looked like up until the point of entering public school, that in between time, once we had moved. I had a lot of questions and I had a lot of unrest and, you know, lots of hurt in my heart. So I think I would have had those questions anyways. They weren't from public school.

Janae Daniels Host

12:09

Gotcha Now. If you don't mind me asking were you in school at a time during the internet? Yes, I'm assuming you're okay.

Amanda Schenkenberger Guest

12:18

Yes, so I remember we. So my dad is a computer programmer, so I always had a computer. I was already using the internet before I entered high school and so, like there was all you know the different chats, and I remember I had a friend, I think he was in Australia. I mean, I'm pretty sure he was another kid, but you know, we don't know at this point you hope it's another kid. I know.

12:40

And I actually had met friends. I don't even know how we got connected online but, like, I met them in person with, with parent, parent, parent permission. So yes, we had internet access, but I mean, I'm trying to think of the computers like a really big desktop. Laptops weren't a thing. Yeah, there was. There was definitely computers, but as far as I don't think Facebook was a thing yet, gotcha, okay.

Janae Daniels Host

13:09

Okay, so then you graduate. And then what happens next? Do you go off to college? Do you go into the trades? Where did this adventure take you?

Amanda Schenkenberger Guest

13:19

So I got married the day after I graduated high school.

Janae Daniels Host

13:22

No kidding, literally you were a child bride. I graduated high school. No kidding.

Amanda Schenkenberger Guest

13:24

Literally you were a child bride. I was not, I was 19. It was very much my choice.

Janae Daniels Host

13:31

Oh, that's right, because you're a year behind. Yeah, you're a year. You took an extra year.

Amanda Schenkenberger Guest

13:38

Got it. I took an extra year. Still a child, bride.

Janae Daniels Host

13:40

I was almost 29. So and I, and no, you know, no, no, disrespect, my mom was 19 and anyway, they've been married 60 plus years, so I think it's beautiful.

Amanda Schenkenberger Guest

13:56

Yes, so I, I, I graduated on a Friday night. The Saturday, you know, following Saturday, I walked the aisle. We had been together for three years and it just happened to be our three year anniversary. So it was an important date. And I actually I wrote a letter to the principal asking him that I could take my finals early because I was getting married the day after. And he, like I, wrote this long letter. I used a quote from Mark Twain about throwing off the bow lines, and you know, in 10 years you're going to regret more of the things you didn't do. And he said, yeah, I mean, that was a good student too. So it wasn't like um, I was trying to pull any kind of wool over his eyes, but yeah, so I got. I graduated, you know all the stuff early. I walked the stage, so to speak, um Friday night and the next day I walked down the aisle.

Janae Daniels Host

14:44

I love that. Okay, so then, um kids now, how did your husband feel about the potential of homeschooling? Was he on board or was he like? I don't know how I feel about this. What was, what was his reaction?

Amanda Schenkenberger Guest

15:00

Yeah. So when we started dating, I said look, I have two non-negotiables you have to love Jesus and allow me to homeschool, and so that was not non-negotiable.

15:12

And so he was on board with that. He had done private Christian school for a long time and his mom was really involved. She was always like a teacher or a librarian at his school, which I don't like. I think if she had been born, like you know, a few decades later, she probably would have been in the homeschooling movement. She was such a great mom. So he was very much on board with the idea from the beginning and also, when you like, if I want to do something, he has learned that I will do it. So there wasn't any like discussion. It was like well, here's what you're doing, figure it out, that sounds like your problem, but here's what I'm doing.

Chapter 3 Evolution of Homeschooling Curriculum

Janae Daniels Host

15:55

I love it. Okay, so he's on board. Then let's talk about those first few years and deciding what you wanted to do for homeschooling.

Amanda Schenkenberger Guest

16:04

So, even though I had a great experience in my early years of being an unschooler, I made all the same mistakes moms are making today. I was like, okay, I don't know how to teach my kids which is true, nobody knows how to teach their kids, it's a skill we develop but I bought one of those big box curriculums, thinking, okay, this will solve all my problems and fill in all the gaps where I feel like I'm unqualified as an educator. And, of course, it was this giant curriculum made for private school rooms, not a home school. And I remember, you know, my son watching this pre-recorded lady, lovely lady like, okay, students watching, it's your turn, and you know he would repeat it. And I was like this, this is not what I did as a kid.

16:59

He thinks that teacher's really calling on him and that, in reality, that teacher won't ever know his name. And this is not what I wanted for our homeschool. I wanted it to be connected and and we're doing things together and we're touching and poking and and, yes, we're learning to read and and math. But this is, this is not the experience that I wanted. And also like I don't know what to do with all this stuff that they sent me.

Janae Daniels Host

17:26

So I was just looking over curriculum that I thought, oh, maybe I'll use this language arts curriculum. Just maybe you know, I haven't used language arts curriculum since day year one. And then I started reading through it and I'm like, oh my gosh, what would I do with all this stuff? I think I'm going to get a headache. So then I put it away.

Amanda Schenkenberger Guest

17:46

Good job, well done, good choice.

Janae Daniels Host

17:49

Thank you, thank you, thank you. So you're like okay, what do I do? This stuff?

Amanda Schenkenberger Guest

17:56

Then then I'm trying to think about what I did in the gap. I think somewhere in the gap of being like this, this box, big box curriculum isn't going to work for us. Oh, I remember what we did. We did something called wonder filled days and this is like a little calendar of different things that are science-based preschool, kindergarten, first grade, that sort of thing. Uh, very charlotte mason-esque, like get outside, observe nature here's a poem you can read about the spring and drink some tea together. And it became something we could all do together and we did not any formal like nature co-ops.

18:37

But girlfriends, I found my people, Some of them I still very dearly cling to, and so we would all get out, all of our kids, like gosh, we always had so many children, you know, go on a nature walk near us, and that's what we did a lot of in those early years. And then at some point I pivoted towards the Good and the Beautiful for curriculum and I really enjoyed that. I mean, gosh, let's talk about simple. Open up the book, read this to the child. Fabulous, Like I got other things to do with my time than to try to figure out how to put this into words for this kid and that kid and that kid so love it and we use on the early elementary years. That's still what we're using. But now that my boys are getting a little older we have a formal math curriculum but I'm very involved in the language arts piece. We find some stuff that'll help us with, like prompts and different kinds of writing styles. Like right now we're working on a play for my 10 year old and he's, you know, he's just kind of discovering like well, where would they go on this stage, or what would they do next, or what is he thinking, what could he monologue.

19:52

So now and this is very much based on my experience as a homeschooler where I felt like man I really wish my parents would have paid more attention to this is the development of my writing skills and my communication skills. And that to me because I mean, yes, I wrote a book but it was real hard, it was real hard y'all, and just the skill of writing. I've been working at it for the past 10 or 12 years outside of school, just in a work way, and it has been a hard-won skill. And so I know that if I can set my boys up better than I was set up for communication period, then this will be a little easier for them and they won't have to struggle as much as I struggled, and so I'm very much involved in language arts. It's very much a partnership. We talk it through and do different creative writing projects. Then, as far as like science go, my kids are really nerdy so we find stuff that goes super deep on topics. That's awesome.

Janae Daniels Host

21:03

So almost unit study-esque for science. It sounds like.

Amanda Schenkenberger Guest

21:07

Yeah, yeah, I have a. We've like dissected dead dogfish sharks. We've attended big shark dissections that are local. I've got a frog that my oldest wants to dissect, so we'll probably do that before summer is over, that's so exciting Now, do you do you live uh near a body of water with sharks?

21:30

yeah, so we're on the west coast in oregon and we actually have a really great uh college here, um, osu, I think it's osu and they have something called the big big fish lab and they all around the portland area and south south of portland they do these live shark dissections and shark talks, just trying to create awareness around sharks, because we do. We have quite a few off the edge of our coast and you know they can be very vilified and it's shark week, by the way, it's also shark week. I love shark week. So, yeah, we go to the ocean pretty often.

Janae Daniels Host

22:10

Very cool, very cool, and so that's kind of it sounds like your um, your homeschooling has kind of evolved as you've evolved with your kids. It evolves which. I think is pretty, pretty normal, like I, every year I reevaluate, I'm like do I want to do this? Or you know, like this year we're doing some unit studies which we've done a teensy bit before but we're excited about it. You know like so, but it's evolved with me and as the kids have grown, we kind of evolved together.

Amanda Schenkenberger Guest

22:38

So yeah, yeah, and I say, let's talk about oh, go ahead please, oh, no the my, my last also. Are kids, ages and stages right, what my 12-year-old is working on right now? He couldn't have worked on that when he was six. Like no, I wouldn't hand him dissection tools. Those are sharp, you know. So as our kids also get older, I agree it needs to be evolving and shaping with them yeah, I think too I was.

Chapter 4 Navigating Homeschooling Isolation and Self-Doubt

Janae Daniels Host

23:11

One of the things that surprised me when we homeschooled was, uh, how I needed to be somewhat hands-on with my teens. Right, I shouldn't leave them in the dust, um, and just have them figure out everything on their own, but they still. Even with the involvement that I had with them, they weren't. It wasn't as hands-on as my four-and-a-half-year-old, who was in my face and needed constant like. This is how you do it. Okay, now go color so that I can answer these questions. I think they need less help. But now with my 17-year-old daughter, she doesn't, you know. She's like okay, I just need, I need you to pick up this and this for me, for this class, you know, because she's doing concurrent enrollment so and she doesn't get a lot of help from me. Occasionally she'll have me read her papers and such, but otherwise, you know, she's like I got this, I'm, you know.

Amanda Schenkenberger Guest

24:02

I'm almost an adult yeah.

Janae Daniels Host

24:07

So let's talk, let's go into overwhelmed, which um such a good book, y'all it's again. It's a homeschool mom's rescue plan for peaceful routines which I loved. I just loved it. What made you decide to read to, to write um, to write overwhelmed, like what inspired you?

Amanda Schenkenberger Guest

24:25

So the thing that inspired me was learning how similar my own experience of those early years and for homeschoolers how, as mom, isolated we feel and how ashamed we can feel about how we're showing up as mom, but then we don't feel the courage to talk about it. And even if we do have the courage to talk about it, we'll probably be interrupted 20 times and not really have a conducive conversation. And even if the mom the other mom's a really good listener, she probably also doesn't have tools that will help me walk through what I'm feeling, like she might be a great friend, but she might not have any advice for me because she's probably going through it too. And so I wrote this book, like for the woman who was me or the woman who is me whether your kids are little or you're just entering homeschooling, or you've been doing it a while and you're like kids are little, or you're just entering homeschooling, or you've been doing it a while and you're like I cannot continue this, like I want to continue homeschooling but I feel like I'm coming apart at the seams or I like a really like what I tell myself I would never tell to a friend and I get very deep into the inner narrative we have in our mind about how we're failures.

25:49

Sometimes how we talk to ourselves is really it can be, can be abusive to ourselves just to get us to try harder, you know. And so, just like the picture on the front I don't know if you guys can see she's got words in her hair like not enough, behind bad mom alone, failure. And these are the thoughts that consume us. So, while it has very practical, solid advice for creating peaceful routines because, like at this point, I don't even use a planner. That's how like routine our life is but it's also that rescue plan where you feel like you're sabotaging your own homeschool or you're like I'm the problem, I don't know how to fix it. I think the kids would be better off back in school. So that's, that's why I wrote this book.

Janae Daniels Host

26:38

What would you say? Okay, well, before I get into that question, I want to share, um, this. This part hit me. When I read it I was like, oh my gosh, and it's towards the beginning. But, um, and, is it okay if I share a little bit? Yes, please, please, um.

26:56

So I think, because I I feel like sometimes, when I would look back on my homeschool, I'm like, oh my gosh, I failed here and here and here and here and here, and I, and maybe I should be doing things different. And and I feel like you hit the nail on the head with this paragraph, um, and you said, while sending our children away might simplify our lives, it wouldn't mend the underlying issues the persistent loneliness we feel, even in their presence, the nagging worry that we're failing as mothers and the fear that we're inadvertently harming our children. Those painful emotions would still exist, perhaps with less frequency, because they are rooted in deeper wounds that remain undressed, unaddressed. And I love that because I'm like, yes, because I think sometimes the homeschooling piece compounds the feelings that are already there. And and when you said that I'm like, oh my gosh, yes, yes, yes, yes, that we feel the truth is, we feel like we're failing as mothers and and everyone feels that way at some point. But there's deeper stuff, yeah.

Chapter 5 Emotional Regulation and Homeschooling Tools

28:04

So, would you share just a little bit about a couple of the solutions that you give in the book.

Amanda Schenkenberger Guest

28:12

Yeah.

Janae Daniels Host

28:13

To help moms.

Amanda Schenkenberger Guest

28:14

Yeah, and I want to piggyback on that for a second, because I always say homeschooling is an amplifier Right, it's, it's going to amplify what's already there. Homeschooling didn't cause the problems that you have, but it certainly did amplify them, and now you feel them a lot more and it takes courage to stay in those feelings and walk through them rather than skirting them like you probably have been for most of your life. So some of the tools One of my favorite tools to share is this concept of traffic light brain, and traffic light brain is a self-awareness tool that works for you and it also works for your kids, and obviously the illustration is very easy to grasp for children, so they can use this, as also you can, to kind of understand where they are mentally and emotionally and also begin to feel the physical feelings that are coming along with the emotions or mental frustration or heavy load that you're experiencing. Because it's all well, it's. I like to call it like it's a bed of spaghetti, like all the noodles are touching, but you can like take out a noodle and we can examine it. But that mind, emotion, physical stuff. It's a plate of spaghetti, like all the noodles are touching, but you can like take out a noodle and we can examine it. But that mind, emotion, physical stuff, it's all, it's a, it's a plate of spaghetti. So the way we use traffic light brain is when we are in our green brain, we're calm, we're connected, our kids are ready to learn, we're ready to help our child navigate anything that might come up as challenging, and so that's ideally where we're teaching from and our kids are learning from.

29:55

And then there's yellow brain, and yellow brain is kind of like if you were on a ship and the waves started getting big and you're going to have to, like, pilot your little sailboat so you don't capsize Right. Sometimes the waves are just a little choppy, but other times there can be very big swells that you have to learn how to navigate, and so it can show up as irritability, snappiness, rudeness, or it can show up as shutting down, getting quiet, not answering, tuning out. And when we enter yellow brain, it's not a time necessarily to push through. It's often a time to start pumping the brakes and examine like okay, things are getting a little rocky, let's figure out why. And so yellow brain is the place we really want to circle in on.

30:47

But then we also need to know when we go into red brain, and red brain is survival mode, right. This is where we are very much in fight, flight, freeze or fawn and our kids are responding or they're exploding back, or we're exploding, or they're like a deer in the headlights, or they're like okay, mommy, okay mommy, I'll figure it out, I want to do it. So being able to recognize where you are at first, that's important. It's like the whole idea of like, well, if you're on an airplane, you put your mask on before you put it on your kid, because if you're not breathing, you're no good to them.

31:24

So first you've got to figure out where you are so that you can bring yourself to being green brain and also figure out, okay, where's my kid landing right now and how can I help them navigate this seat, like this moment of this emotional, physical, mental experience that that they're having, and guide them through it. Because that, just that alone, is a real life skill that is so often brushed over, almost constantly in public school, because you can't be tied one-on-one to a child, and so I honestly feel like that alone makes homeschooling superior to public school, to private school, to any kind of classroom, because there's that one-on-one co-regulation, regulation happening.

Janae Daniels Host

32:18

I love it. So, as far as like the the of all the lessons that you've learned from your own homeschooling to your current homeschooling, what would you say had been the most poignant for you, especially having moved into teaching your own kids?

Amanda Schenkenberger Guest

32:36

Yeah, so I'm like total, type a like give me a, a checklist, I'm gonna check it off, I'll get it done, like no matter what it's gonna feel so good, but also, at what cost is like, is my checklist so important? Or is it important for me to connect and help my children navigate their everyday experience? And so the biggest thing that I can take from my own very unschooled experience is okay, if my kids don't get all the academics done, or they get no academics done or progress stops or progress goes backwards, holy smokes, they still can learn, they still are learning. It's a different kind of learning and also there's time for them to make it up.

Chapter 6 Trusting Motherly Instincts in Homeschooling

33:26

I had accelerated learning in high school and in college and then I jumped into entrepreneurship with two babies and I had accelerated learning and there's time for us to learn these things.

33:40

If we don't learn them as a child, sometimes it's even easier to learn some of these things as an adult because we understand a little bit more. But what I learned while I had unschooling and then, you know, my education fell through the cracks for a couple years is man, I don't actually have to worry about academics, like we're going to figure it out and we can even do well because, hey, I did it, like I wrote a book, I speak on stage, like I'm running a business with four children, like I don't even wow, that's a lot, but it's not a lot because I figured it out and so that's, that's the lesson. Being a type A who wants to check all the boxes and then also knowing sometimes it's better to let that go and just connect, and that's better than pushing through. And we have time. We have time to figure these things out and it's okay. And that comes from a very academically focused family and that comes from a very academically focused family.

Janae Daniels Host

34:41

I love it. And I jumped ahead because you said and I want to go back a little bit because I was like, oh shoot, we didn't finish the rest of your story because you got married and you just shared that you were able to fill in the gaps of your own education when the time was right what happened after you got married? So I digress and go backwards a little bit.

Amanda Schenkenberger Guest

35:03

That's okay, let's step back a little. So I went to community college and I had done the dual enrollment thing myself, so I had already been attending, and I opted out of business class for coding because I was like you know, I'm never going to own a business, why would I even take that class? I mean, come on Um. And so coding. Coding actually did end up serving me well. I've built websites and you know different things that I've needed to learn how to code for Um. But I graduated from the community college and and then we moved from. We lived in Idaho, we were from Coeur d'Alene and moved to Portland area, where we are now in Oregon, and I was going to go to school to become a sign language interpreter which, again, like my dad's death, it felt like a really good, like bridge. And then I took a break from school and I was like I'm not going back ever.

36:01

I don't want like I loved learning, but I had gotten really burnt out in the process, not not because of public school but because of a lot of patterns I was living in and so didn't go back to school. So I never finished that. And then we started having babies and again, plan was always I'm going to be home teaching them, but I have a lot of energy and having my oldest. And then I took on a nannying job, so I had two babies at once and people were always confused. They're like they did you. Oh how, how old are they? I'm like this one's one's, not mine, um, and so from there I started helping my girlfriends with their etsy shops. I opened my own etsy shop and then that's. I pivoted from that about four years ago and into the homeschool coaching I do now. Um, um. But I just I knew I needed to do something from home, because the plan is I'm homeschooling my kids. So that's a little bit more of the arc of what happened after I got married.

Janae Daniels Hos t

37:10

Yeah, I, cause I knew the listeners would be like so wait, what was the rest of the story? You didn't get to it Cause I, I like a score like a um, like a dog going oh, squirrel chase after that. So back to overwhelms like what's um? Back to the book. So thank you for filling in that gap for me. Um, what, what's your hope? That moms and dads and grandmas here's looking at you, kathy? Um, what is your hope that they'll get out of the book most, like that they'll take away most?

Amanda Schenkenberger Guest

37:47

one. I hope that they realize they're not alone. They feel very seen, like, oh my gosh, somebody gets it. I'm not crazy, this is normal. I thought I was the only one, but I'm not. There are probably millions of moms out there who are feeling the same way. So that's what I hope you get. First and two is I hope that every person who reads this comes away with hope and a strategy, because hope isn't a plan. Okay, that's not long-term, but we need hope in order to believe we can make a change. So I my story, because I was. Things were real ugly. My hope is that, oh man, maybe she gets it. She's been in a really ugly situation before and that's okay and she's come through it. Maybe I can do that too and then from there launch out. Okay, there's an entire plan in here to not just have peaceful routines, but to have peace be at peace, I love that you know, and so, um, that's what I hope everybody who reads gets out of it.

Janae Daniels Host

39:00

Which, and it's so good, it's so so good. So I hope everyone picks it up. It'll be in again. The link will be in the show notes for anyone who wants to pick that up, because it's it's well worth your time to read it. So last bit, before we close out here what would you say that the? If you could give new homeschooling moms some advice, if you could give new homeschooling moms some advice, what would the advice, number one piece of advice you'd give?

Chapter 7 Trust Motherly Instincts for Success

Amanda Schenkenberger Guest

39:24

Yeah, so this is going to be a long-winded answer, that's okay, that's okay. So I feel like in our culture, so much we have removed ourselves from trusting our motherly instincts, which is one of the reasons I think we flounder a lot just in motherhood, because, for whatever reason you know, there could be a lot of debate about why we aren't trusting ourselves. Don't trust like, oh, I knew that wasn't the right choice for little Johnny, but I did it anyways because everybody told me this was the right choice. Or I got so much pushback about wanting to homeschool or try this curriculum or whatever. We have moved away from trusting our motherly instincts, so much so that it creates havoc in our lives, and my encouragement would be to trust your instinct, your motherly instinct, and that can be very challenging when there's a lot of fear, a lot of urgency that comes up for you, and so wading through that is, you know, a whole process, and so waiting through that is, you know, a whole process.

40:41

But there are times and I know that you've experienced this, janae, that you know that, you know that.

40:46

You know, yep, trust that, trust that and make sure you follow through on it and begin to pull on those little instincts that pop up. Don't shove them off to the side like that's a wild idea. Don't do that. But okay, how could that happen? What could that look like? Entertain it a little bit. Start getting back in touch with your instincts, because that motherly intuition that all of us have, whether they came from your womb or not, if they've been knitted into your heart through adoption or you had them physically, there is a tie you have to your children and there is something special about that that you can give to your child that literally no one else on the face of this planet can. And when you lean into that, that's when you're going to start seeing all those desires of your heart begin to blossom in the relationship, begin to blossom in their education. The lights will come on and the beauty that you desired for your family will begin to come to life.

Janae Daniels Host

41:58

That is beautiful, thank you, thank you. Like I said y'all she is. She is wise beyond her years. So thank you, amanda, so much for sharing and your wisdom. I'm super excited for everyone to pick up the book because I think it's it's so good. Um, thank you for coming on today and taking the time. I know you are so busy and I really appreciate you coming on today and taking the time with us.

Amanda Schenkenberger Guest

42:22

Oh my gosh, it's my pleasure.

Janae Daniels Host

42:24

Well, it's been an honor to have you. So, my friends, um know that you're doing better than you think you are. You got this. We're going to talk next week.